1. When IT say they're coming right over, log out and go for coffee.
It's no
problem for us to remember 700 network passwords.

2. When you call us to have your computer moved, be sure to leave it
buried
under half a ton of postcards, baby pictures, stuffed animals, dried
flowers, bowling trophies and children's art. We don't have a life, and
we
find it deeply moving to catch a fleeting glimpse of yours.

3. When IT send you an e-mail with high importance, delete it at once.
We're
probably just testing out the public groups.

4. When an IT professional is eating lunch at his desk, walk right in
and
spill your guts out and expect him to respond immediately. We exist
only to
serve and are always ready to think about fixing computers.

5. When an IT professional is at the water cooler or outside having a
smoke,
ask him a computer question. The only reason why we drink water or
smoke at
all is to ferret out all those users who don't have email or a telephone
line.

6. Send urgent email ALL IN UPPERCASE. The mail server picks it up and
flags
it as a rush delivery.

7. When you call a helpdesk engineer's direct line rather than the
helpdesk
number, press 5 to skip the greeting that says he's on holiday for a
week,
record your message, and wait exactly 24 hours before you send an email
straight to the director because no one ever returned your call. You're
entitled to common courtesy.

8. When the photocopier doesn't work, call computer support. There's
electronics in it, right?

9. When you're getting a NO DIAL TONE message at home, call the
helpdesk. We
can even fix telephone problems from here.

10. When something's wrong with your home PC, dump it on a chair in IT.
Leave no name, no phone number, and no description of the problem. We
love a
good mystery.

11. When you have a helpdesk engineer on the phone walking you through
changing a setting; read the paper. We don't actually mean for you to DO
anything; we just love to hear ourselves talk.

12. When we offer you training on the upcoming OS upgrade, don't bother.
We'll be there to hold your hand after it is done.

13. When the printer won't print, re-send the job at least 20 times.
Print
jobs frequently just disappear into the cosmos for no reason.

14. When the printer still won't print after 20 tries, send the job to
all
68 printers in the office. One of them is bound to work.

15. Don't use online help. Online help is for wimps.

16. If you're taking night classes in computer science, feel free to go
around and update the network drivers for yourself and your co-workers.
We're grateful for the overtime when we have to stay until 2:30am fixing
them.

17. When you have an IT bod fixing your computer at a quarter to one,
eat
your lunch in his face. We function better when slightly dizzy .

18. Don't ever thank us. We love this AND we get paid for it!

19. When a helpdesk engineer asks you whether you've installed any new
software on this computer, lie. It's nobody's business what you've got
on
your computer.

20. If the mouse cable keeps knocking down the framed picture of your
dog,
lift the computer and stuff the cable under it. Mouse cables were
designed
to have 45 lbs. of computer sitting on top of them.

21. If the space bar on your keyboard doesn't work, blame it on the
network/mail upgrade. Keyboards work much better with half a pound of
muffin
crumbs, nail clippings, and big sticky drops of Coke under the keys.

22. When you get the message saying "Are you sure?" click on that 'Yes'
button as fast as you can. Hell, if you weren't sure, you wouldn't be
doing
it, would you?

23. Feel perfectly free to say things like "I don't know nothing about
that
computer crap". It never bothers us to hear our area of professional
expertise referred to as crap.

24. When you need to change the toner cartridge, call the helpdesk.
Changing
a toner cartridge is an extremely complex task, and Hewlett-Packard
recommends that it be performed only by a professional engineer with a
master's degree in nuclear physics.

25. When something's the matter with your computer, ask your secretary
to
call the help desk. We enjoy the challenge of having to deal with a
third
party who doesn't know anything about the problem.

26. When you receive a 30-meg movie file, send it to everyone as a
high-priority mail attachment. We've got plenty of disk space and
processor
capacity on that mail server.

27. Don't even think of breaking large print jobs down into smaller
chunks.
*** forbid somebody else might get a chance to squeeze into the queue.

28. When you bump into an IT bod in the supermarket on a Saturday, ask a
computer question. We work 24/7, even while at the supermarket on
weekends.

29. If your son is a student in computer science, have him come in on
the
weekends and do his projects on your office computer. We'll be there
for you
when his illegal copy of Visual Basic 6.0 makes your Access database
flip
out.

30. When you bring us your own no-brand home PC to repair for free at
the
office, tell us how urgently we need to fix it so your son can get back
to
playing DOOM. We'll get right on it because we have so much free time
at the
office.

amen

that's my daily life in black & white although missed out the bit about posting on forums !!!

There should be something like

31: Please feel free to download add-ons, desktop packs, colour schemes.
-We get your computers working perfectly,then let you loose on them. We give you access to the internet so that you are able to download a 4mb image for your desktop, then save it as a bitmap to turn it into 30mb because you dont know what you're doing. WE LIKE THE CHALLENGE of you saying to us "my computer keeps crashing" and then when we ask for EVERYTHING that you've changed since it's started doing it, for you to say "I've only run {company software}"

AND Another...

32 - Feel free to talk to the senior manager without actually consultaing any of his team. And whilst you have his/her attention, raise any issues/concerns/problems/jack-a-nory stories you may want and ensure that after the conversation has finished, you email every man his dog with a completly different interrprutation of the disccussion.

Can anyone tell that the last two days have gone rapidly down hill.............



B*ll*x to today - bring on the weekend............