SCOTLAND

DRAFT HIGHER GRADE MODERN MATHEMATICS PAPER 2003

HIGHLY CONFIDENTIAL


GLASGOW REGION

Name...........................................
Nickname......................................
Gangname....................................

1. Shuggie has bought half a kilo of cocaine for large. He
wants to make 300% on the deal and still pay Mad Malky his 10% protection
money. How much must he charge for a gram?


2. Wee Davie reckons he'll get £42.50 extra Marriage Allowance
a week if he ties the knot with Fat Alice. Even if he steals the ring, the
wedding will cost him £587. And he'll have to start buying two fish suppers
every night instead of one. How long will it be before Davie wishes he'd
stayed single?


3. When Rangers play Celtic, their fans sing The Sash every 10
minutes when they're winning and every 15 minutes when they're losing. How
many times did they sing it at last season's Cup Final?


4. Joey and Davie stole a 1999 green Toyota 1600GL with 35,000
on the clock - and got a grand for it. How much more would they have got if
it had been metallic silver, done 29,000 miles and had low profile tyres?


5. Jake the Flake and Fingers got grassed up for dealing speed.
The Flake got 18 months but Fingers got 3 years. How many more previous
convictions did Fingers have?
EXTRA CREDIT: Who was Fingers' Brief?



EDINBURGH / BORDERS REGION

Name..........................................
Rugby Club..................................
Daddy's Company.........................


1. Gavin has a spare ticket for Julian Clary at The Festival
Fringe. But Benji and Adrian BOTH want to go with him. How long does he cry
before giving them the tickets?


2. Half of Peter's friends say that they went to school with
Ewan McGregor. Another third say they were Gordon Brown's flat mate at
University. A sixth say that their dad played rugby with Tony Blair's dad
and the rest say Sean Connery was their milkman. Only one is telling the
truth, so how many friends does Peter have?


3. Todd wants to be a lawyer, but is as thick as Edinburgh
Castle. His daddy is a Freemason and a QC. How long before Todd becomes the
Lord Advocate?


4. Tamsin's Personal Trainer charges £250 a week, but has sex
with her whenever she wants it. Jasmin's Life Coach charges £50 a week but
has refused all sexual advances. Which one of the women weighs 19 stone?


5. Princes Street is 2467 yards long. On average, there is
someone begging for money every 195 yards. You walk at 3.1 miles an hour.
How long will it take if you tell them all to sod off and work for a living?






HIGHLANDS REGION

Name..................................
Glen....................................


1. After Hector's death, Archie has to pay Death Duty on
Glenbogle. With 25,000 acres, Archie must pay £1.76 for the first 15,000
acres and 90p per acre for the remainder, including VAT. How many people
actually give a toss?


2. An Afro-American called Zachary Obisanjo Kokobobo asks a
Tartan Shop in Inverness if he has any Scottish Geneaology. How long does it
take to flog him full Highland dress and matching kilts for his wife and 10
kids?


3. If an Aberdeen supporter laid every sheep in Grampian Region
end to end, how many people would be surprised?


4. If you caught a Loch Ness Monster 115 feet long and each
foot weighed 27lbs, how much money would you make by selling your exclusive
story and pictures?


5. Sorry, question 5 has been delayed by heavy snowfall and
will be here as soon as the Cockbridge - Tomintoul road re-opens in the
spring!