A red bull walks into a bar,
the barman says "here....we've got a drink named after you"
the red bull says "have you? but my name's Eric!?!?!"

Oh no...not cheesy jokes again

A man walks into a bar ...ouch

here we go.....


A horse walks into a bar...

the Barman says, " Why the long face?"

... A Horse walks into a pub and asks for a pint Stella

THe barman says, "F k me! A talking horse!!"

....A Bear walks into a bar and says "Can I have a...





....pint of Stella"

Barman says, "Whay the big pause!!"

Guys....can you see the dust balls and hear the wind and church bells...

A black fella walked into a bar in the deep south...

Redneck barman says, "we don't serve your kind in here"

black fella says, thats "ok, I don't drink Yourkind, I'll have a Bud!"


Loz


*later while swinging by his neck from a tree he felt markedly less smug...*

[quote name='rhaines' date='Jul 8 2003, 11:30 AM']....A Bear walks into a bar and says "Can I have a...





....pint of Stella"

Barman says, "Whay the long pause!!"

[/quote]
its big pause you prat

handbags at 20 paces girls!

Irishman walks into bar with roll of tarmac under his arm

says "a pint please, and one for the road"

A woman in the bar says that she wants to have plastic surgery to enlarge her breasts. Her husband tells her, "Hey, you don't need surgery to do that. I know how to do it without surgery." The lady asks, "How do I do it without surgery?"
"Just rub toilet paper between them." Startled the lady asks, "How does that make them bigger?" "I don't know, but it worked for your @rse

*I'll get my coat*

A scientist who had successfully cloned himeself was asked to speak at a national convention of cloning scientists. The meeting room was located on the 45th floor of a New York skyscraper.

The scientist arrived with his clone and proceeded to the podium. The clone sat at the end of the head table. The scientist began the speech intending a tribute to the advances in the field of modern biology.

"My fellow scientists," he began. But before he could utter another word, the clone sprang to his feet and shouted out, "He's a !". The crowd began to murmur as the scientist commanded the clone to "Sit down and shut-up!" Apologizing for the interruption, the scientist began again, "My fellow scientists..." Again the clone sprang to his feet and yelled, "This
dumb ***** couldn't produce a copy on a Xerox. He's a fraudulent ".

Incensed, the scientist rushed to the clone, grabbed him, and threw him out of the window.

The crowd gasped and security rushed into the room. A short while later New York's finest arrived and were explained the events that had transpired.

The police chief said to the scientist, "We are going to have to arrest you." The scientist replied, "For what? I have committed no crime. What fell from the window was a clone, not a person." The attending scientists nodded in agreement. "Well," retorted the police chief, "we cannot let this
heinous act go unchallenged."

The police chief thought for a moment and then ordered the scientist held, for "Making an obscene clone fall...."

Two tall trees are growing in the woods. A small tree begins to grow between them. One tree says to the other, "Is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch?"

The other says he cannot tell. Just then a woodpecker lands in the sapling. The tall tree says, "Woodpecker, you are a tree expert. Can you tell if that is a son of a beech or a son of a birch?"

The woodpecker takes a taste of the small tree. He replies, "It is neither a son of a beech nor a son of a birch. That, my friends, is the best piece of ash I have ever put my pecker in."

This mushroom walks into a bar and starts hitting on this woman...
She turns him down flat but the mushroom is persistent.
Not willing, to give up, he pleads with her...
"C'mon lady, I'm a fun guy..."

A dog with one leg walks into a western bar and says to the bartender......

"I'm looking for the man who shot my paw...."

A man was driving down an Alaskan road and his car suddenly broke down. He phoned the Alaskan Mobile Fixit Service and they arrived shortly after.
The service man opened the hood and after a while the looked up and said, "It looks like you've blown a seal."
The man replied, "No, it's just frost on my moustache."

A little old lady is on a bus, buying a ticket from the bus conductor,fumbling in a voluminous bag for the correct change. After 15 minutes the conductor becomes so enraged that he hits her on the head with the ticket-dispenser, and the poor old dear dies instantly. Not surprisingly, he is convicted and put on death row. Just before he is to be electrocuted, his last request is for 12 pounds of bananas, which he devours. They strap him into the chair, flip the switch, and nothing happens-he just sits there, smiling.

According to tradition, this is considered a reprieve from *** and he is freed. Somehow he gets his old job back, and he is happily dispensing tickets when he sees a girl stick her gum on the back of a seat on the bus. Enraged, he lunges out with the ticket dispenser, breaking the offender's neck and killing her.

Again, he is convicted and sent to death row. He again eats the 12 pounds of bananas, and lo and behold, the electricity does not harm him. This time the executioner cleans the contacts, makes him sit in a bucket of water, he tries everything - but the man won't die. So again, he is set free. Amazingly he regains his job. It takes him 1 day to lose his temper and beat to death a young boy who starts to chew his bus ticket.

He returns to death row, eats the bananas, and survives the electrocution. At this point, the executioner can take no more - his professional pride has been impugned.

Before setting our friend free again, he asks him his secret, "what is it with the bananas?". "Oh, the bananas have nothing to do with it", replies our friend......

Scroll down.....









......


"I'm just a bad conductor."

An Irish bloke goes to the doctor: "Dactor, it's me ahrse. I'd loik ya ta teyhk a look, if ya woot".

So the doctor gets him to drop his pants and takes a look. "Incredible". he says, "there is a $20 note lodged up here".

Tentatively he eases the twenty out of the man's bottom, and then a $10 note appears.

"This is amazing" exclaims the Doctor "What do you want me to do?"

"Well fur gadness sake teyhk it out man" suggests the patient.

The doctor pulls out the tenner and another twenty appears, and another and another etc...

Finally the last note comes out and no more appear. "Ah Dactor, tank ya koindly, dat's moch batter, how moch is dare den?"

The Doctor counts the pile of cash. "$1990 exactly."

"Ah, dat'd be roit. I knew I wasn't feeling two grand."