How to write an advert

[CharlieR.UK]

Couldn't  resist this one for an MG TF

 

 http://www.autotrader.co.uk/classified/advert/201605184068526?price-to=7500&page=1&body-type=convertible&sort=default&search-target=usedcars&radius=200&make=mg&postcode=ip332qt&searchcontext=default&fuel-type=petrol&onesearchad=new%2Cnearlynew%2Cused&quantity-of-doors=2&logcode=p

WE DISLIKE THESE CARS WITH A PASSION,, WHAT A WOEFUL LOOKING, HATEFUL, POORLY MADE, SLOPPY HANDLING,, PILE OF DUNG,,, SILVER, ITS ALL A BIT TRAGIC REALLY,, IT STARTS, DRIVES AND RUNS FINE,, THE LAST OWNER WENT TO ITALY IN IT AND EVEN BROUGHT IT BACK,,, ALL ITS POOR UNSUSPECTING 11 OWNERS MUST HAVE LOVED IT TO PIECES AS MOST OF IT IS STILL HANGING TOGETHER,, AN M.O.T IS OPTIONAL AS ITS NOW EXPIRED, ALL SEEMS WELL TO GO THROUGH A NEW M.O.T,, THE CARS £500 AS IT STANDS, OR IF YOU WISH TO ENGULF US WITH £1,000 WE WILL BE EXTATIC TO PUT IT THROUGH ITS NEXT TEST,, ITS RELATIVELY CLEAN AND SMART OUTSIDE,, THE TYRES ARE GREAT, AND PROBABLY THE MOST VALUABLE THINGS ON THE CAR,, ANY RUST YOU FIND ON IT IS FREE OF CHARGE,, THE INTERIOR IS OK, SOME WEAR THROUGH THE HORRIBLE CHEAP LEATHERETTE AND SUADE EFFECT EXCUSE OF THE FRONT SEATS,, PROBABLY WORN FROM THE OWNER GETTING IN AND OUT MANY TIMES TO PUSH IT HOME!!,, IT SMELLS OF DAMP BUT THIS ALSO COMES FREE OF CHARGE,, THE SOFT TOP ROOF IS COMPLETE AND COVERS THE POOR EXCUSE FOR A CAR UNDERNEATH VERY WELL,, AIR CONDITIONING IS STANDARD FROM THE DRAFTS AND IF YOU PUT THE ROOF DOWN IT RELIEVES THE STENCH OF AUTOMOTIVE FAILURE THAT COMES FROM WITHIN,, ON THE GOOD SIDE IT APPEARS TO HAVE NO OVERHEATING ISSUES, NOT THAT WE CARE,, THE HEADGASKET IS HANGING ON IN THERE,, WE STILL DONT CARE,, ALL THE ANTIQUE AUSTIN METRO ELECTRICS STILL WORK,, AND THE ICING ON THE CAKE IS WEVE PUT A NEW Battery ON IT,, IF ITS YOUR WIFES BIRTHDAY SOON WHY NOT TREAT HER,,, GO ON WE DARE YOU,, GIVE US A RING WE WOULD LOVE TO CHAT ABOUT IT ALL DAY LONG

[mikeyv]

Excellent.

In my home town of Newport, back in the sixties/seventies, there was a dealer called Honest Ken, who specialised in the bottom end of the used car market.

People used to buy the local rag just to read his adverts, they were very much in the same style.

Seemed to work for him though.