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How's this for a ****** off, soon to be ex, employee?

The Best Resignation Letter Ever

Actual letter of resignation from an employee at Zantex Computers, USA, to

her boss, who apparently resigned very soon afterwards!

Dear Mr. Baker,

As a graduate of an institution of higher education, I have a few very

basic expectations. Chief among these is that my direct superiors have an

intellect that ranges above the common ground squirrel. After your

consistent and annoying harassment of my coworkers and me during the

commission of our duties, I can only surmise that you are one of the few

true genetic wastes of our time.

Asking me, a network administrator, to explain every little nuance of

everything I do each time you happen to stroll into my office is not only a

waste of time, but also a waste of precious oxygen. I was hired because I

know how to network computer systems, and you were apparently hired to

provide amusement to myself and other employees, who watch you vainly

attempt to understand the concept of "cut and paste" for the hundredth time.

You will never understand computers. Something as incredibly simple as

binary still gives you too many options. You will also never understand why

people hate you, but I am going to try and explain it to you, even though I

am sure this will be just as effective as telling you what an IP is. Your

shiny new iMac has more personality than you ever will.

You walk around the building all day, shiftlessly looking for fault in

others. You have a sharp dressed useless look about you that may have

worked for your interview, but now that you actually have responsibility,

you pawn it off on overworked staff, hoping their talent will cover for

your glaring ineptitude. In a world of managerial evolution, you are the

blue-green algae that everyone else eats and laughs at. Managers like you

are a sad proof of the Dilbert principle. Since this situation is unlikely

to change without you getting a full frontal lobotomy reversal, I am forced

to tender my resignation, however I have a few parting thoughts.

1. When someone calls you in reference to employment, it is illegal for you

to give me a bad recommendation. The most you can say to hurt me is "I

prefer not to comment." I will have friends randomly call you over the next

couple of years to keep you honest, because I know you would be unable to

do it on your own.

2. I have all the passwords to every account on the system, and I know

every password you have used for the last five years. If you decide to get

cute, I am going to publish your "favorites list", which I conveniently

saved when you made me "back up" your useless files. I do believe that

terms like "Lolita" are not usually viewed favorably by the administration.

Thank you for your time, and I expect the letter of recommendation on my

desk by 8:00 am tomorrow. One word of this to anybody, and all of your

little twisted repugnant obsessions will be open to the public. Never f***

with your systems administrator. Why? Because they know what you do with

all that free time!

Wishing you a grand and glorious day,


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