Do Not Sell My Personal Information Jump to content

Snappy Humour


Recommended Posts

Apologies if this has been posted before.

Snappy Answer #1

A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket. He opened his trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat she said

"Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your stub."

Snappy Answer #2

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy

"Do these turkeys get any bigger?"

The stock boy replied

"No ma'am,they're all dead"

Snappy Answer #3

The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. The cop said

"I've been waiting for you all day."

Quick as a flash the kid replied,

"Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could."

When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.

Snappy Answer #4

A truck driver was driving along on the highway. A sign comes up that reads 'Low Bridge Ahead'. Before he knows it the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police car comes up. The policeman gets out of his car and walks around to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says

"Got stuck, huh?"

The truck driver says

"No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas."

Snappy Answer #5

A minister was seated next to a Texan on a flight to Dallas. After the plane was airborne, drink orders were taken. The Texan asked for a whiskey and soda, which was brought and placed before him. The flight attendant then asked the minister if he would like a drink. He replied in disgust

"I'd rather be savagely raped by brazen whores than let liquor touch my lips."

The Texan looked at the minister, then handed his drink back to the attendant and said

"I didn't know we had a choice"

Snappy Answer #6

A university lecturer reminds her students of tomorrow's final exam.

"Now, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!"

A smart-***** in the back of the room raised his hand and asks

"What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?"

The entire class does its best to stifle their laughter. When silence is restored, the lecturer smiles sympathetically at the student,shakes her head, and sweetly says

"Well, I suppose you'd have to write your answers using your other hand."

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.


  • Create New...