Insurance Humour

[Mr-Lex]

Extracts from UK Insurance Claim forms; These were

collected by Norwich Union for their annual Christmas Magazine.

The cow one is my personal favourite. Still laughing....

> > "I started to slow down but the traffic was more stationary than I

> > thought."

> > --------------------

> > "I pulled into a lay-by with smoke coming from under the bonnet. I

>realized the car was on fire so took my dog and smothered it with a blanket."

> > --------------------

> > Q: Could either driver have done anything to avoid the accident?

> > A: Travelled by bus?

> > --------------------

> > This Norwich Union customer collided with a cow. The questions and

>answers

> > on the claim form were:

> > Q - What warning was given by you?

> > A - Horn

> > Q - What warning was given by the other party?

> > A - Moo

> > --------------------

> > "I started to turn and it was at this point I noticed a camel and an

> > elephant tethered at the verge. This distraction caused me to lose

> > concentration and hit a bollard."

> > --------------------

> > "On approach to the traffic lights the car in front suddenly broke."

> > --------------------

> > "I was going at about 70 or 80 mph when my girlfriend on the pillion

> > reached

> > over and grabbed my testicles so I lost control."

> > --------------------

> > "I didn't think the speed limit applied after midnight"

> > --------------------

> > "I knew the dog was possessive about the car but I would not have asked

>her

> > to drive it if I had thought there was any risk."

> > --------------------

> > Q: Do you engage in motorcycling, hunting or any other pastimes of a

> > hazardous nature?

> > A: I Watch the Lottery Show and listen to Terry Wogan.

> > --------------------

> > "First car stopped suddenly, second car hit first car and a haggis ran

>into the rear of second car."

> > --------------------

> > "Windscreen broken. Cause unknown. Probably Voodoo."

> > --------------------

> > "The car in front hit the pedestrian but he got up so I hit him again"

> > --------------------

> > "I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law

>and headed over the embankment."

> > --------------------

> > "The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its

>intention."

> > --------------------

> > "I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way"

> > --------------------

> > "A truck backed through my windshield into my wife's face"

> > --------------------

> > "A pedestrian hit me and went under my car"

> > --------------------

> > "In an attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole."

> > --------------------

> > "I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my way home. As I

> > reached

> > an intersection a hedge sprang up obscuring my vision and I did not see the other car."

> > --------------------

> > "I was on my way to the doctor with rear end trouble when my universal

> > joint gave way causing me to have an accident."

> > --------------------

> > "To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front I struck the pedestrian."

> > --------------------

> > "My car was legally parked as it backed into the other vehicle."

> > --------------------

> > "An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car and vanished."

> > --------------------

> > "I was thrown from the car as it left the road. I was later found in a

> > ditch by some stray cows."

[stuwood]

I have been crying with laughter :D :D :D

Stuart