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A55 Speed Trap


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While I was driving down the A55 today, (going a little faster than I should have been) I passed under a bridge only to see a copper on the other side with a radar gun laying in wait.

The copper pulled me over, walked up to the car, and with that classic patronising smirk, asked: "Runway too short?"

To which I replied, "I'm late for work."

To which he asked, "What do you do?"

"I'm a rectum stretcher," I responded.

The copper was surprised and confused.

"A what...? A rectum stretcher??

And just what does a rectum stretcher do?"

"Well," I said, "I start by inserting one finger, then I work my way up to two fingers, then three, then four, then with my whole hand in, work side to side until I can get both hands in, and then I slowly but surely stretch the hole, until it's about 6 feet."

Then the copper asked questioningly and cautiously, "And just what do you do with a six-foot ******?"

To which I politely replied, "You give him a radar gun and park him behind a bridge..."

Speeding ticket: £105.00

Penalty Points : 3

Court costs: £45

Look on copper's face: Priceless

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It's this kind of thing that makes me wish I still had my foreign driving licenses (now expired)... kind of foregoes the points.

My other half drives on a French license (perfectly entitled to do so, being EU etc.). She got caught speeding about 2 years ago, but actually had to go to magistrates court since they couldn't apply a fixed penalty and points. She returned the NIP with her guilty plea and received a summons to the magistrates court. After sitting in the courthouse for 6 hours waiting for the hearing, and seeing that she was pregnant, the bailiff/clerk got the case discharged, so she didn't even have to pay a fine or court fees. She just wasted an entire day at the courthouse.


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