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Instructions For Cleaning The Toilet


Lex-aholic
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Instructions for cleaning the toilet:

1. Lift the lid on the toilet and fill it with 1/8 cup of animal shampoo.

2. Take the cat in your arms and stroke it gently while slowly moving in the direction of the toilet.

3. At a suitable moment, throw the cat into the toilet bowl and close the lid quickly and either stand or sit on the lid.

4. The cat will now start the cleaning process and will produce generate plenty of foam. Do not be concerned about the loud noises coming from the toilet; your cat is enjoying himself.

5. After several minutes flush the toilet to start the “Power-wash” pre-wash and then flush again for the main wash cycle.

6. Ask someone to open the front door and ensure that no-one is between the toilet and the front door.

7. Get off the toilet seat and from a safe distance open the toilet lid quickly. The cat will dry off naturally due to the high speed he will be moving from the toilet to the front door.

8. The toilet and the cat are now both clean.

With best wishes,

The Dog

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Instructions for cleaning the toilet:

5. After several minutes flush the toilet to start the “Power-wash” pre-wash and then flush again for the main wash cycle.

The Dog

Do you know if this will work with the water saving half-flush, or is the full flush the only workable option? Please reply quickly as I have the cat in my arms right now and have a dirty toilet! :shifty:

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Instructions for cleaning the toilet:

5. After several minutes flush the toilet to start the “Power-wash” pre-wash and then flush again for the main wash cycle.

The Dog

Do you know if this will work with the water saving half-flush, or is the full flush the only workable option? Please reply quickly as I have the cat in my arms right now and have a dirty toilet! :shifty:

Erm....I think you need the full flush to get the full claw from the cat ! :winky:

Let us know how you get on :lol:

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works well

well kind of :unsure:

i didnt have any animal shampoo

so i used bleach, not the cheap runny stuff

the proper stuff from tesco

i flushed as instructed

sounded good, thought by jove its working :)

i opened the doors

i stood well back

but the cat is still in the bowl :o

its not moving much

in fact its not moving at all

tried three extra flushes but its still there :yawn:

what should i do now

the nieghbours are asking where their cat is

and i need a poo :o

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i flushed as instructed

sounded good, thought by jove its working :)

Sorry to appear fixated on flushing, but did you use the half-flush or the full-flush, or a combination like I tried?

was a proper full flush ....every time

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works well

well kind of :unsure:

i didnt have any animal shampoo

so i used bleach, not the cheap runny stuff

the proper stuff from tesco

i flushed as instructed

sounded good, thought by jove its working :)

i opened the doors

i stood well back

but the cat is still in the bowl :o

its not moving much

in fact its not moving at all

tried three extra flushes but its still there :yawn:

what should i do now

the nieghbours are asking where their cat is

and i need a poo :o

Carefully remove the cat from the bowl, using waterproof gloves, and place it in the microwave, give it about 1 min at low and that should dry it off. Whilst this is happening have a poo.

Take some jump leads and connect the end of one to a coilpack you have removed from your car, and the other to the cat. Take the second jump lead and connect to the cat and find a secure earth on the chassis. Start the car and do not rev, let it idle for a minute or so. If the cat does not respond it may be dead.

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works well

well kind of :unsure:

i didnt have any animal shampoo

so i used bleach, not the cheap runny stuff

the proper stuff from tesco

i flushed as instructed

sounded good, thought by jove its working :)

i opened the doors

i stood well back

but the cat is still in the bowl :o

its not moving much

in fact its not moving at all

tried three extra flushes but its still there :yawn:

what should i do now

the nieghbours are asking where their cat is

and i need a poo :o

Carefully remove the cat from the bowl, using waterproof gloves, and place it in the microwave, give it about 1 min at low and that should dry it off. Whilst this is happening have a poo.

Take some jump leads and connect the end of one to a coilpack you have removed from your car, and the other to the cat. Take the second jump lead and connect to the cat and find a secure earth on the chassis. Start the car and do not rev, let it idle for a minute or so. If the cat does not respond it may be dead.

have managed to remove the cat

forgot the gloves :blush:

placed in microwave for 1 minute

at high power (i guessed it would need a bit of power)

had poo

started feeling a bit nauseus

think it was the bleach fumes

still its cleared my sinuses

cat now smelt very funny

a bit like burning flesh

so dipped him in the sink to cool off a bit

still no movement!

slight problem with the car Battery

it was dead and besides its cold outside

so had a brilliant idea

just plugged the cat into the mains socket

wow!! it started moving again

then when i turned it off it stopped

damn what am i going to tell the nieghbours :yawn:

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works well

well kind of :unsure:

i didnt have any animal shampoo

so i used bleach, not the cheap runny stuff

the proper stuff from tesco

i flushed as instructed

sounded good, thought by jove its working :)

i opened the doors

i stood well back

but the cat is still in the bowl :o

its not moving much

in fact its not moving at all

tried three extra flushes but its still there :yawn:

what should i do now

the nieghbours are asking where their cat is

and i need a poo :o

Carefully remove the cat from the bowl, using waterproof gloves, and place it in the microwave, give it about 1 min at low and that should dry it off. Whilst this is happening have a poo.

Take some jump leads and connect the end of one to a coilpack you have removed from your car, and the other to the cat. Take the second jump lead and connect to the cat and find a secure earth on the chassis. Start the car and do not rev, let it idle for a minute or so. If the cat does not respond it may be dead.

have managed to remove the cat

forgot the gloves :blush:

placed in microwave for 1 minute

at high power (i guessed it would need a bit of power)

had poo

started feeling a bit nauseus

think it was the bleach fumes

still its cleared my sinuses

cat now smelt very funny

a bit like burning flesh

so dipped him in the sink to cool off a bit

still no movement!

slight problem with the car Battery

it was dead and besides its cold outside

so had a brilliant idea

just plugged the cat into the mains socket

wow!! it started moving again

then when i turned it off it stopped

damn what am i going to tell the nieghbours :yawn:

Damn you got a problem mate

but I have an idea

you will need some barbed wire

Scratch up your forearms with the barbed wire

Go next door to the neighbours

Tell them the cat ran into the house when you were taking the bin out (or something)

It run straight into the bog

Jumped into the pan, which unfortunately you had just filled with bleach

You immediately pulled it out (scratches on the arms on view)

It then run flat out into the kitchen

Straight into the microwave, it was going so quick that it hit the back and knocked it over closing the door.

The micro was set to do a Pizza and wham it started :o

So you rushed to the kitchen after the cat

Immediately stopped the microwave removed the cat but it had a bit of a temperature

You ran it under the cold tap to cool it down.

Don't think the electric bit will be much in evidence?

You could give that a try :)

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works well

well kind of :unsure:

i didnt have any animal shampoo

so i used bleach, not the cheap runny stuff

the proper stuff from tesco

i flushed as instructed

sounded good, thought by jove its working :)

i opened the doors

i stood well back

but the cat is still in the bowl :o

its not moving much

in fact its not moving at all

tried three extra flushes but its still there :yawn:

what should i do now

the nieghbours are asking where their cat is

and i need a poo :o

Carefully remove the cat from the bowl, using waterproof gloves, and place it in the microwave, give it about 1 min at low and that should dry it off. Whilst this is happening have a poo.

Take some jump leads and connect the end of one to a coilpack you have removed from your car, and the other to the cat. Take the second jump lead and connect to the cat and find a secure earth on the chassis. Start the car and do not rev, let it idle for a minute or so. If the cat does not respond it may be dead.

have managed to remove the cat

forgot the gloves :blush:

placed in microwave for 1 minute

at high power (i guessed it would need a bit of power)

had poo

started feeling a bit nauseus

think it was the bleach fumes

still its cleared my sinuses

cat now smelt very funny

a bit like burning flesh

so dipped him in the sink to cool off a bit

still no movement!

slight problem with the car Battery

it was dead and besides its cold outside

so had a brilliant idea

just plugged the cat into the mains socket

wow!! it started moving again

then when i turned it off it stopped

damn what am i going to tell the nieghbours :yawn:

Damn you got a problem mate

but I have an idea

you will need some barbed wire

Scratch up your forearms with the barbed wire

Go next door to the neighbours

Tell them the cat ran into the house when you were taking the bin out (or something)

It run straight into the bog

Jumped into the pan, which unfortunately you had just filled with bleach

You immediately pulled it out (scratches on the arms on view)

It then run flat out into the kitchen

Straight into the microwave, it was going so quick that it hit the back and knocked it over closing the door.

The micro was set to do a Pizza and wham it started :o

So you rushed to the kitchen after the cat

Immediately stopped the microwave removed the cat but it had a bit of a temperature

You ran it under the cold tap to cool it down.

Don't think the electric bit will be much in evidence?

You could give that a try :)

couldnt find any barbed wire, so i stabbed my arms with a fork, had the desired effect

ran round to the nieghbours

and told them

the cat ran in whilst i emptied the dustbins

it ran into the toilet

which i had just bleached

i grabbed it out and it stabbed me with a fork

it then ran into the microwave

and turned itself on

there faces showed somewhat bewilderment at this stage

i then told them "heroically" i tried to save him by dousing with water

but (started shedding some tears at this stage, not sure if it was for the cat or for the bleach which was in my eyes)but.....but....sadly it died

their reponse made me somewhat sad

very sad in fact :crybaby:

they said "our cat has just walked in the back door"

well i have returned to the dead cat, after the nieghbours kindly nursed my wounds :o

its not looking good

and im not even a vet :yawn:

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For the avoidance of all doubt and to reassure both LOC members and our guests we would like to clearly state that the events portrayed in the thread are fictional. Similarities to any real event or cat, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

We would also like to make clear that no cat or other living creature was harmed in any way during the production of this thread :D

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For the avoidance of all doubt and to reassure both LOC members and our guests we would like to clearly state that the events portrayed in the thread are fictional. Similarities to any real event or cat, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

We would also like to make clear that no cat or other living creature was harmed in any way during the production of this thread :D

yep i second that :D

bloody microwave is filthy now !

...................any ideas

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Been thinking and I think I now know where you went wrong.

If you had used that coilpack on tickover it would have produced DC pulses of current at around 6.25Hz or 375 per minute which would be approximately the heart rate of a healthy cat.

50Hz is way to high a frequency and is AC so no good.

Hypothetically speaking of course :excl:

As for the microwave you can purchase a quality cleaner at any good supermarket that should do the trick :D

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For the avoidance of all doubt and to reassure both LOC members and our guests we would like to clearly state that the events portrayed in the thread are fictional. Similarities to any real event or cat, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

We would also like to make clear that no cat or other living creature was harmed in any way during the production of this thread :D

yep i second that :D

bloody microwave is filthy now !

...................any ideas

I've heard cat fur is good for cleaning microwaves - try utilising it as a wash mitt !! :lol:

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hhhmmmmmmm didnt know people were so enthusiastic about animal cruelty / socially unacceptable subjects.

really !!

its a big wide world outside rob

wake up :blink:

is it? didnt know that, thank you for being so informative.

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hhhmmmmmmm didnt know people were so enthusiastic about animal cruelty / socially unacceptable subjects.

really !!

its a big wide world outside rob

wake up :blink:

is it? didnt know that, thank you for being so informative.

no problem at all :D

anything else you need to know , dont hesitate in asking

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