Saturday's Joke

[LexAzur]

I Need A Raise!

I, the *****, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:

* I do physical labour

* I work at great depths

* I work head first

* I do not get RDO's, weekends off or public holidays

* I work in a damp environment

* I don't get paid overtime or shift penalties

* I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation

* I work in high temperatures

* My work exposes me to contagious diseases

Response from the administration:

After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you

have raised, the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:

* You do not work 8 hours straight

* You fall asleep on the job after brief work periods

* You do not always follow the orders of the management team

* You do not stay in your allocated position, and often visit other areas

* You take a lot of non-rostered breaks

* You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working

* You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift

* You don't always observe OH&S measures, such as wearing the correct protective outfits

* You don't wait till pension age before retiring

* You don't like working double shifts

* You sometimes leave your allocated position before you have completed the day's work

* And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and leaving the work place carrying 2 suspicious looking bags.

Subject: a HANDY WORD

> > > > > >>>> >

> > > > > >>>> >>There's only one other word that I can think of that's

more

> > > > > >flexible

> > > > > >>>than

> > > > > >>>> >>this one!

> > > > > >>>> >>

> > > > > >>>> >>***** is a powerful word. Just think of all the

concepts

>and

> > > > >ideas

> > > > > >you

> > > > > >>>can

> > > > > >>>> >>communicate with it. ***** may just be the most

powerful

>word in

> > > > > >the

> > > > > >>>> >>English language.

> > > > > >>>> >>

> > > > > >>>> >>CONSIDER THIS:

> > > > > >>>> >>

> > > > > >>>> >>You can be ***** faced, be ***** out of luck, or have

*****

>for

> > > > > >brains.

> > > > > >>>> >>

> > > > > >>>> >>With a little effort you can get your ***** together,

find a

>place

> > > > > >for

> > > > > >>>your

> > > > > >>>> >>***** or decide to ***** or get off the pot.

> > > > > >>>> >>

> > > > > >>>> >>You can smoke *****, buy *****, sell *****, lose *****,

find

>*****,

> > > > > >forget

> > > > > >>>*****,

> > > > > >>>> >>and tell others to eat ***** and die.

> > > > > >>>> >>

> > > > > >>>> >>You can ***** or go blind, have a ***** fit or just *****

your

>life

> > > > > >away.

> > > > > >>>> >>

> > > > > >>>> >>People can be ***** headed, ***** brained, ***** blinded,

and

>*****

> > > > > >over.

> > > > > >>>> >>

> > > > > >>>> >>Some people know their ***** while others can't tell

the

> > > > >difference

> > > > > >>>between

> > > > > >>>> >>***** and shineola or apple butter.

> > > > > >>>> >>

> > > > > >>>> >>There are lucky ****s, dumb ****s, crazy ****s, and

sweet

>****s.

> > > > > >>>> >>

> > > > > >>>> >>There is bull *****, horse ***** and chicken *****.

> > > > > >>>> >>

> > > > > >>>> >>You can throw *****, sling *****, catch *****, or duck

when

>the *****

> > > > > >hits

> > > > > >>>the

> > > > > >>>> >fan.

> > > > > >>>> >>

> > > > > >>>> >>You can take a *****, give a *****, or serve ***** on a

>shingle.

> > > > > >>>> >>

> > > > > >>>> >>You can find yourself in deep *****, or be happier than

a

>pig in

> > > > > >*****.

> > > > > >>>> >>

> > > > > >>>> >>Some days are colder than *****, some days are hotter

than

>*****,

> > > > > >and

> > > > > >>>some

> > > > > >>>> >>days are just plain ****ty.

> > > > > >>>> >>

> > > > > >>>> >>Some music sounds like *****, things can look like

*****, and

>there

> > > > > >are

> > > > > >>>times

> > > > > >>>> >>when you feel like *****.

> > > > > >>>> >>

> > > > > >>>> >>You can have too much *****, not enough *****, the right

>*****, the

> > > > > >wrong

> > > > > >>>*****

> > > > > >>>> >>or a lot of weird *****.

> > > > > >>>> >>

> > > > > >>>> >>You can carry *****, have a mountain of *****, or find

>yourself up

> > > > > >*****

> > > > > >>>creek

> > > > > >>>> >>without a paddle.

> > > > > >>>> >>

> > > > > >>>> >>Sometimes you really need this ***** and sometimes you

don't

>want

> > > > > >any

> > > > > >>>*****

> > > > > >>>> >>at all.

> > > > > >>>> >>

> > > > > >>>> >>Sometimes everything you touch turns to ***** and other

>times you

> > > > > >swim

> > > > > >>>in a

> > > > > >>>> >>lake of ***** and come out smelling like a rose.

> > > > > >>>> >>

> > > > > >>>> >>*****! When you stop to consider all the facts, it's

the

>basic

> > > > > >building

> > > > > >>>> >>block of creation.

> > > > > >>>> >>

> > > > > >>>> >>And remember, once you know your *****, you don't need

to

>know

> > > > > >anything

> > > > > >>>> >else.

Having A Bad Day?

Deep thoughts..

The next time you're having a bad day, imagine this:

You're a Siamese twin.

Your brother, attached at your shoulder, is gay.

You're not.

He has a date coming over today.

But you only have one *****.

Feel better?