Wednesday's Joke

[LexAzur]

The Lone Ranger was captured by an enemy Indian war party. The Indian Chief

proclaims, "So, you are The Great Lone Ranger. In honor of

the Harvest Festival, you will be executed in three days.

But before I kill you, I grant you three requests. What is

your first request?" The Lone Ranger responds, "I'd like to

speak to my horse." The Chief nods and Silver is brought

before the Lone Ranger, who whispers in his ear, and the

horse gallops away. Later that evening, Silver returns with

a beautiful blonde woman on his back. As the Indian Chief

watches, the blonde enters the Lone Ranger's tent and

spends the night. The next morning the Indian Chief admits

he's impressed. "You have a very fine and loyal horse, but

I still must kill you in two days. What is your second

request? The Lone Ranger again asks to speak to his horse.

Silver is brought to him, and he again whispers in the

horse's ear. As before, Silver takes off and disappears

over the horizon. Later that evening, to the Chief's

surprise, Silver again returns, this time with a voluptuous

redhead, more attractive than the blonde. She enters the

Lone Ranger's tent and spends the night. The following

morning the Indian Chief is again impressed. "You are

indeed a man of many talents," he says, "but I still must

kill you tomorrow. What is your last request?" The Lone

Ranger responds, "I'd like to speak to my horse,....

ALONE!" The Chief is curious, but he agrees, and Silver is

brought to the Lone Ranger's tent.

Once they're alone, the Lone Ranger grabs Silver by both

ears, looks him square in

the eye and says..."Listen very carefully ..for...

the....last....time, I said..... BRING POSSE"

International Rules of Manhood

01: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella

02: It is ok for a man to cry under the following circumstances:

a. When a heroic dog dies to save its master.

b. The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.

c. After wrecking your boss' car.

d. One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game".

e. When she is using her teeth.

03: Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally

killed and eaten by his buddies.

04: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend

out of jail within 12 hours.

05: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off

limits forever, unless you actually marry her.

06: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is

forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

07: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another

man. In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly

optional.

08: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the

weakest.

09: When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may

ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.

10: You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought

her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of

flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.

11: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're

sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless

supermodel ..and it's free.

12: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to

kick another guy in the nuts.

13: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.

14: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.

15: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.

16: Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies

until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as

much as the other sports watchers.

17: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must

remain sober enough to fight.

18: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of

pizza, but not both, that's just greedy.

19: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking

about his choice of beer.

20: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours,

except if she's withholding s*x pending your response.

21: Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting

weights:

a. Yeah, Baby, Push it!

b. C'mon, give me one more! Harder!

c. Another set and we can hit the showers!

22: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing:

i.e. Both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an

almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.

23: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer

than you are able to have s*x with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang

up if necessary.

24: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend"

have carnal drunken monkey s*x, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion

about what a big mistake it was occurs.

25: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for

her to drive yours.

26: Thou shall not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime green,

orange or sky blue.

27: The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for

Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an Xbox. End of story.

28: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics. Ever.

[Noel]

LOL ... the lone ranger one i haven't heard before... brill :D

[sparkystav]

25: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for

her to drive yours.

The most important!

[Mr Mole]

27: The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for

Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an Xbox. End of story.

That would be so funny, wish I had the balls to do that, I always wanted a Xbox :lol: