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peter026

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Everything posted by peter026

  1. peter026
    998,815 An old lady owned two monkeys. One day they both died, so she took them to the taxidermist, 'So you want them mounted?' asked the taxidermist. To which she replied ; 'No. Holding hands will do just fine.'
  2. peter026
    998,817 It was so cold, the town flasher ran up and described himself.
  3. peter026
    998,820 Why did the blonde climb the glass wall? To see what was on the other side.
  4. peter026
    Paint
  5. peter026
    That must be mine said Jamie. Steve says no as I am the...............
  6. peter026
    998,825 What do Viagra And Disney Land have in common? They both cause you to stand around for an hour waiting for a two minute ride
  7. peter026
    998,827 Did you hear about the blind carpenter who picked up his hammer and saw?
  8. peter026
    109.9 in Weymouth 92p per liter for Bio deisel for my 4x4......Guess what I use most :)
  9. peter026
    998,829 Two goldfish in a bowl talking: Goldfish 1: Do you believe in G*d? Goldfish 2: Of course, I do! Who do you think changes the water?
  10. peter026
    Meanwhile the Lexus fairy, who was oblivious to all this occurring around her, waved her magic wand and ..........
  11. peter026
    Pensioner
  12. peter026
    998,831 A snail walks into a bar and the barman tells him there's a strict policy about having snails in the bar and so kicks him out. A year later the same snail re-enters the bar and asks the barman "What did you do that for?"
  13. peter026
    Leap
  14. peter026
    998,836 A family of mice were surprised by a big cat. Father Mouse jumped and and said, "Bow-wow!" The cat ran away. "What was that, Father?" asked Baby Mouse. "Well, son, that's why it's important to learn a second language."
  15. peter026
    998,840 Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've got eleven Dicks on the field. Metro Radio
  16. peter026
    Lathe
  17. peter026
    998,842 I would not say he ( David Ginola) is the best left winger in the Premiership, but there are none better. Ron Atkinson
  18. peter026
    989,856 A blonde is terribly overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet. "I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, you'll have lost at least five pounds." When the blonde returns, she's lost nearly 20 pounds. "Why, that's amazing!" the doctor says. "Did you follow my instruction The blonde nods. "I'll tell you, though, I thought was going to drop dead that third day." "From hunger, you mean?" asked the doctor. "No, from skipping."
  19. peter026
    998,858 Two blondes were walking through the woods and they came to some tracks. The first blond said "These look like deer tracks," and the other one said, "No, they look like moose tracks." They argued and argued for a while and they were still arguing when the train hit them.
  20. peter026
    German
  21. peter026
    998,861 A woman, standing nude, looks in the bedroom mirror and says to her husband, "I feel horrible, I look fat and ugly. Pay me a compliment". The husband replies, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect".
  22. peter026
    Hope that helps. Thanks awfully old chap ;)
  23. peter026
    Glad to see you back on the boards..........My best wishes go out to you.
  24. peter026
    989,880 Two blonds were driving to disneyland for a holiday, they come to a fork in the road and a sign says: "Disneyland Left" so they turned around and went home.
  25. peter026
    Duo
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