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peter026

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Everything posted by peter026

  1. peter026
    998,882 I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
  2. peter026
    Cockney
  3. peter026
    998,884 Recently my girlfriend asked me if I was having s*x behind her back and I replied, "Yes, who did you think it was?"
  4. peter026
    Street
  5. peter026
    998,886 "Every bloke has at some stage while taking a pee flushed half way through and then raced against the flush."
  6. peter026
    998,888 Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm
  7. peter026
    998,890 What do you give a sick budgie? Tweetment.
  8. peter026
    998,892 Apple Computers announced today that it has developed a computer chip that can store and play music in women's breast implants. The iBreast will cost £499 to £599. This is considered to be a major breakthrough because women are always complaining about men staring at their breasts and not listening to them.
  9. peter026
    998,894 What is a mixed feeling? Watching your mother-in-law reverse off the side of a cliff in your brand new car!
  10. peter026
    Is going to swim the Manchester ship canal...........
  11. peter026
    998,896 Doctor, I can't pronounce my F's, T's and H's "Well you can't say fairer than that then"
  12. peter026
    Hogg
  13. peter026
    998,898 Q - Why do french people eat snails? A - Because they dont like fast food
  14. peter026
    998,900 I was on the motorway and i saw two packets of crisps and i stopped and said do you want a lift, they said no thanks we are walkers!
  15. peter026
    I too would like to know the answer to this. The first traffic report I received made me jump out of my skin, it was that loud, so I switched it off
  16. peter026
    Manager
  17. peter026
    998,902 A group of chess players were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?", they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
  18. peter026
    998,904 went to a cannibal's party last night. I had a ball.
  19. peter026
    998,906 Q.) Did you hear about the cannibal who was late for the dinner party?? A.) He was given the cold shoulder!
  20. peter026
    As mad as hatters, but very nice with..............
  21. peter026
    Camp
  22. peter026
    998,909 What did the Blue Peter presenter say when (s)he was introducing the winner of their 'phone-in' competition? "Here's one we prepared earlier"!
  23. peter026
    999,911 A woman walks into a bar and asks for a double entendre, so the barman gives her one.
  24. peter026
    998,913 was in the pub yesterday, and i saw Vincent Van Gogh in the corner. I called him over and asked him if he fancied a drink, to which he replied. 'no thanks, I've got one ear!'.....
  25. peter026
    998,915 24 hours in a day ...24 beers in a case ...coincidence
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