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Lex-aholic

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  1. Or have no car to get into if someone nicks it :D, and your insurance company will probably have a clause that doesn't pay out if the keys are in the ignition - mine does. yeah - someone nicks it, doesn't clean the screen, knocks someone over -dead, and ins co doesn't pay out becaue the screen was not clear :duh: you locked up - (suppose you would not need the car then though Crazylex - have you been smoking ? :winky:
  2. The problem is, I can imagine the two off 'em doing stoopid things like this
  3. Look on the bright side - with all the other cars on the road being dirty, yours should be looking the cleanest dirty car :duh: Save the paint, you have a lifetime of cleaning left. Just keep thinking about the quality looks you're gonna get in the Summer sunshine :winky:
  4. Erm.....could you leave it another week ? I'd be a bit paranoid if it was my car, especially with THAT paint job you had (very nice). If you do give in to washing it, make sure you rinse the car first before rubbing the grit and sh!t that'll be on your paint from the roads at the mo. And don't bother polishing yet - you shouldn't need to anyway. Waxing would be okay as you aren't using anything abrasive.
  5. Probably cuz it couldn't be understood. I've just had a look at it myself - this site rejects the word a$$, so that's what should be in place of the ***** :D
  6. David Beckham decides he wants to go horse riding. Although he has had no previous experience he skilfully mounts the horse and appears in complete command of the situation as the horse gallops along at a steady pace Victoria admiringly watches her husband. After a short time David becomes a little casual and he begins to lose his grip in the saddle, he panics and grabs the horse around the neck shouting for it to stop. Victoria starts to scream and shout for someone to help her husband as David has by this time slipped completely out of the saddle and is only saved from hitting the ground by the fact that he still has a grip on the horse's neck. David decides that his best chance is to leap away from the horse, but his foot has become entangled in one of the stirrups. As the horse gallops along David's head is banging on the ground and he is slipping into unconsciousness. Victoria is now frantic and screams and screams for help!!!! Hearing her screams, the Tesco's Security Guard rushes out of the store and . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . unplugs the horse.
  7. After the tourist had been served in a Las Vegas cocktail lounge, he beckoned the waitress back and said quietly, "Miss, yah sure are a luvly, luvly lady; can ah persuade yah to give me a piece of *****?" "Lord, that's the most direct proposition I've ever had!" gasped the girl. Then she looked around the room, smiled and added, "Sure, why not? You're nice lookin' too and it's pretty slow here right now, so why don't we just slip away up to my room?" When the pair returned half an hour later, the man sat down at the same table and the waitress asked, "Will there be anything else, sir?" "Why yes," replied the southern gentleman. "Ah sure 'preciate what yah just did for me; it was real sweet and right neighborly, but where ah come from in Alabamer we lack our bourbon real cold, so ah still need to trouble yah for a piece uh ***** for mah drink."
  8. Mine's a disaster to drive in the snow. Like fluffy put though, it's more down to the fact that they are the standard 215 tyres and not thin snow tyres. Oh well, good job I took some of that grit out of the bin down by the bus stop last night. :D
  9. A teacher gave her class of 11 year olds an assignment: To get their parent to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories. Ashley said, "My father's a farmer and we have a lot of egg-laying hens. One time we were taking our eggs to market in a basket on the front seat of the car when we hit a big bump in the road and all the eggs got broken. "What's the morale of that story?" asked the teacher. "Don't put all your eggs in one basket!" "Very good," said the teacher. Next little Sarah raised her hand and said, "Our family are farmers too. But we raise chickens for the meat market. One day we had a dozen eggs, but when they hatched we only got ten live chicks, and the moral to this story is, 'Don't count your chickens before they're hatched'." "That was a fine story Sarah." "Michael, do you have a story to share?" "Yes. My daddy told me this story about my Aunty Sharon. Aunty Sharon was a flight engineer on a plane in the Gulf War and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a bottle of whisky, a machine gun and a machete. She drank the whiskey on the way down so it wouldn't break and then she landed right in the middle of 100 enemy troops. She killed seventy of them with the machine gun until she ran out of bullets. Then she killed twenty more with the machete until the blade broke. And then she killed the last ten with her bare hands." "Good heavens," said the horrified teacher, "what kind of moral did your daddy tell you from that horrible story?" "Stay the f**k away from Aunty Sharon when she's been drinking."
  10. Don't punish yourself Ogry. We can all say "if onlys" all day long, but these things happen. I'm sure your not the first, and definitely won't be the last. Now if you said you left them on the table just to side of the front door, that would be different.
  11. I was quoted £280 by Nationwide Autocentres, Bristol.
  12. THE BEAST !! Very nice - you'll have to come and pick us all up for a spin now :winky:
  13. If you liked the Lex and don't feel like a change, then buy another one. You probably won't ever see these little gob-****es again. Why should YOU end up with a scrap of metal for a drive ? Surely this'll be like giving in to them. It'll be like falling of a race-horse and getting back onto a donkey. Treat yerself and get another Lex. You only live once bud Just remember to take yer keys with you next time (as Crazylex put).
  14. Sorry to butt in Hando - nice job BTW. Glad it all came up perfect for you. :winky: Their address on the site is Unit B4, Eldon Way, Park Royal, London. NW10 Ring 0208 963 3777 Fax 0208 963 3766
  15. Here, Here !! I ain't got a computer at home, so I only get a chance to catch up on this club's posts on a Monday, and was completely thrown back this morning to find this bickering is STILL going on. I've been a member on this site for the past year and a bit, and this is the first experience I've ever had off people getting crabby about what you CAN and what you CAN'T post. If you don't like the rules and regs then get off the site and find somewhere else to post your negative views !! For f--ks sake GROW UP !!
  16. Haha - I'll tell you what though......he has a great sales pitch. Have you read the details below the pic ? I nearly bidded myself ! :D
  17. Blimey - that means my car's from Nottingham. It still seems a bit of a *****-eyed system to me though. Why couldn't they have used a similar system to like naming the States ? They could have used BL for Bristol, NM for Nottingham, blah...blah...blah
  18. After Quasimodo's death, the bishop of the Cathedral of Notre Dame sent word through the streets of Paris that a new bell ringer was needed. The bishop decided that he would conduct the interviews personally and went up into the belfry to begin the screening process. After observing several applicants demonstrate their skills, he had decided to call it a day. Just then, an armless man approached him and announced that he was there to apply for the bell ringer's job. The bishop was incredulous. "You have no arms!" "No matter," said the man. "Observe!" And he began striking the bells with his face, producing a beautiful melody on the carillon. The bishop listened in astonishment; convinced he had finally found a replacement for Quasimodo. But suddenly, as he rushed forward to strike the bell, the armless man tripped and plunged headlong out of the belfry window to his death in the street below. The stunned bishop rushed down two hundred and ninety five church steps, when he reached the street, a crowd had gathered around the fallen figure, drawn by the beautiful music they had heard only moment before. As they silently parted to let the bishop through, one of them asked, "Bishop, who was this man?". "I don't know his name," the bishop sadly replied, ( scroll down ) " ................ BUT HIS FACE RINGS A BELL" WAIT! WAIT! There's more The following day, despite the sadness that weighed heavily on his heart due to the unfortunate death of the armless campanologist, the bishop continued his interviews for the bell ringer of Notre Dame. The first man to approach him said, "Your Excellency, I am the brother of the poor armless wretch that fell to his death from this very belfry yesterday. I pray that you honour his life by allowing me to replace him in this duty." The bishop agreed to give the man an audition, and, as the armless man's brother stooped to pick up a mallet to strike the first bell, he groaned, clutched at his chest, twirled around, and died on the spot. Two monks, hearing the bishop's cries of grief at this second tragedy, rushed up the stairs to his side. "What has happened? Who is this man?" the first monk asked breathlessly. "I don't know his name," sighed the distraught bishop, "but..." (. . . Wait for it ...) (.. . . It's worth it.. ..) "HE'S A DEAD RINGER FOR HIS BROTHER."
  19. Bloke walks into a pet shop and says "I want a really different pet please" Pet shop owner says "I have just the thing for you sir, came in this morning - a talking centipede" "Wow" says bloke - "I'll take him!" Gets his pet home and thinks: I know I'll go for a pint and take him with me, so he lifts the lid on the box and says "Hey, Centipede! I'm going for a pint - do you fancy one?" .... there was no response, so the bloke goes upstairs to get changed and ready and comes back down and lifts the lid and says "Hey centipede, I'm going for a beer do you want to come?" Still no reply. So chuntering to himself about how it's not a talking one at and he's been ripped off, he goes to the kitchen to make a butty before going out. Just before he leaves he tries one last time - "Hey Mr Talking Centipede, do you want to come for a pint?!?" ............. he hears this little voice say "I heard you the first F*ing time, I'm putting me boots on .........."
  20. It's kinda similar with the UK plates now though ain't it. Don't the first two letters represent where the car was first registered (although I don't know what they exactly mean), and the numbers represent the year and which half of the year it was registered. The first two letters of my car are FN which tells me is was registered F**king nowhere
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