A man wakes up in hospital , bandaged from head to foot.
The doctor comes in and says, 'Ah, I see you've regained consciousness.
Now, you probably won't remember, but you were in a pile-up a month ago
on the M8.
You're going to be okay, you'll walk again and everything, but......
something happened. I'm trying to break this gently, but the fact is,
your willy was chopped off in the crash, and we were unable to find it.'
The man groans, but the doctor goes on, 'You've got £9000 in insurance
compensation coming to you, and we have the technology now to build you
a new willy that will work as well as your old one did - better in fact!
But the thing is, it doesn't come cheap.. It's £1000 an inch.'
The man perks up at this.
'So,' the doctor says, 'it's for you to decide how many inches you
want'.
But it's something you'd better discuss with your wife. I mean, if you
had a five inch one before, and you decide to go for a nine incher, she
might be a bit put out. But if you had a nine inch one before, and you
decide only to invest in a five incher this time, she might be
disappointed. So it's important that she plays a role in helping you
make the decision.'
The man agrees to talk with his wife. The doctor comes back the next
day.
'So,' says the doctor, 'have you spoken with your wife?'
'I have,' says the man.
'And has she helped you in making the decision?'
'She has,' says the man.
'And what is it?' asks the doctor.
'We're getting a new kitchen.'
How to Make a Woman Happy
It's not difficult to make a woman happy....
A man only needs to be:
1. a friend
2. a companion
3. a lover
4. a brother
5. a father
6. a master
7. a chief
8. an electrician
9. a carpenter
10. a plumber
11. a mechanic
12. a decorator
13. a stylist
14. a sexologist
15. a gynaecologist
16. a psychologist
17. a pest exterminator
18. a psychiatrist
19. a healer
20. a good listener
21. an organizer
22. a good father
23. very clean
24. sympathetic
25. athletic
26. warm
27. attentive
28. gallant
29. intelligent
30. funny
31. creative
32. tender
33. strong
34. understanding
35. tolerant
36. prudent
37. ambitious
38. capable
39. courageous
40. determined!
41. true
42. dependable
43. passionate
44. compassionate
WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:
45. give her compliments regularly
46. love shopping
47. be honest
48. be very rich
49. not stress her out
50. not look at other girls
AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:
51. give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself
52. give her lots of time, especially time for herself
53. give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes
IT IS VERY IMPORTANT:
54. Never to forget:
* birthdays
* anniversaries
* arrangements she makes
HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY
1. Show up naked
2. Bring food and beer