Martin W

Jagger

:P NUTS

off

rapid

Pins

Give " Dave Sheldon Tyres " a go in Manchester, just off Deansgate, behind the "PUG" garage, they have lots of goodies & good prices.

injector

On

Rat

Black

out

Roll

slush puppy :P

Titanic

:o Little Mike comes home after a day out on a school trip to the farm. "What animals did you see today at the farm ?" asks his mum. "Well" said Mike, "We saw a field of sheep, a field full of pigs & a field full of F**kers !" His mum is shocked at his reply & asks Mike to describe the "F**kers" in an attempt to establish what he was talking about. " They were huge " replies little Mike " and black & white. The farmer said we get milk from them." "Well", says his mum, "they are not called F**kers". "Oh I know that" says Mike, " the teacher called them 'effers, but I knew what she meant "

BIG

throat

crumpet

Jam

:P Dave decides to call round to see his friend Andy who was recovering from a broken leg. Dave makes them both a drink & they sit down to discuss the latest football results. Dave suddenly notices a movement in the corner of the room & gets up to investigate.Closer inspection reveals a giant centipede." Don't throw it out " shouts Andy..."that's my home help the council sent round". " You must be joking" replies Dave "what can a centipede do for you?" " He gets in the shopping & runs errands for me as I am still unable to walk very far on my crutches." "Nah don't believe you " says Dave. "Well just watch this then" says Andy.." Centipede, go & get me the evening paper from the corner shop". 5 minutes pass & the centipede is still shuffling around in the corner. " I knew you were winding me up "says Dave with a smile on his face. "Centipede" shouts Andy " I told you to get to the corner shop & pick up tonight's paper". The centipede looks over with a pained expression on it's face..." Give me a chance , I'm still putting my shoes on! " :winky:

Research

Cam

:P this must be the worst joke of the week.... or is it ? Man lost in desert with no water spies a town through the heat haze. He eventually reaches the town & stumbles into the first shop, collapses on the floor & begs for water. "Sorry sir, but we only sell jelly & cake" replies the owner. The man staggers to the next shop in his search for water. Again he begs for water & again receives the same reply " Sorry sir, but we only sell jelly & cake". Third time lucky our man thinks as he drags himself into the final shop..." Sorry sir , but we only sell jelly & cake". Mmmm thinks the man as he crawls out of the town, " A trifle bazaar" Is there a worst one out there ? :winky:

Leather..(ooooohh matron)

Horse