The Tues Titter

[peter026]

> Facts Of Marriage...

> ===================

The last fight was my fault. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?"

I said, "Dust!"

> - - - - - - - - - -

In the beginning, *** created earth and rested. Then *** created man and rested. Then *** created woman. Since then, neither *** nor man has rested.

> - - - - - - - - - -

My wife and I are inseparable. In fact, last week it took four coppers and a dog.

> - - - - - - - - - -

Why do men die before their wives?

They want to.

> - - - - - - - - - -

What is the difference between a dog and a fox?

About 5 drinks.

> - - - - - - - - - -

A beggar walked up to a well dressed woman shopping on Rodeo Drive and said "I haven't eaten anything in four days." She looked at him and said, "***, I wish I had your willpower."

> - - - - - - - - - -

Do you know the punishment for bigamy?

Two Mother-in-law.

> - - - - - - - - - -

Young Son: Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?

Dad: That happens in every country, son.

> - - - - - - - - - -

A man inserted an 'ad' in the classified: "Wife wanted". Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."

> - - - - - - - - - -

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.

> - - - - - - - - - -

First guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"

Second guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."

> - - - - - - - - - -

How do most men define marriage?

An expensive way to get laundry done for free.

> - - - - - - - - - -

Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.

> - - - - - - - - - -

If you want your wife to listen and pay undivided attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.

> - - - - - - - - - -

Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; and then it was too late."

> - - - - - - - - - -

A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"

And the father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."

> - - - - - - - - - -

The bumper sticker read: "I lost 250 pounds in one day, I divorced her."

> - - - - - - - - - -

Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are beautiful.

__________________