peter026

998,999

A highway patrolman pulled up alongside a speeding car on the freeway. As the officer peered through the driver's window, he was astounded to find that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting. The trooper cranked down his window and yelled to the driver, "Pull over!" at the top of his lungs. "No!" the blonde yelled back, "Scarf!"

Yep, thanks for the Card and gift. Merry Christmas everyone

999,010

"Man went into a bar, he only had one arm. Guy sitting next to him said 'Hey, you've got your sleeve in my drink', man replied 'There's no (h)arm in it' "

999,012

If corn oil comes from corn, where does baby oil come from?

Chapter

999,014

How does the guy who drives the snowplough get to work in the mornings?

999,025

My mechanic told me, 'I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

No matter how many people sign, the Government will do nothing. They have stock replies for petitions, which they send out when the petition closes.

999,027

How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?

Cheers Lads and Lasses, every one seems to have bought me the same thing....I have enough Liquorice allsorts to last till next Birthday :o ...No new GS Derek (unless you're offering :winky: )

But the Lexus Fairy was on hand with her Magic wand, waving it and saying.............

Jungle

Mafia

Hope you had a great day Ian

999,067

Q. How did the blonde burn her nose?

A. Bobbing for chips.

999,079

Women should be obscene and not heard.

Pensioner

Drivers side size 12 and size 8 for the passenger side

22 inch and 19 inch

999,084

Hamlet to Ophelia: 'I'll do a sketch of thee, what kind of pencil shall I use?

2B, or not 2B?'

999,088

Apéritif:: French for a set of dentures.

Tractor

999,090

After five days in hospital, I took a turn for the nurse

999,092

Did you know that Mozart had no arms and no legs? I've seen statues of him on people's pianos

999,095

'We'll continue our investigation into the political beliefs of nudists. We've already noticed a definite swing to the left.'

Pig