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Jokes From Israel


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okay, my apologies in advance for these, i heard them over beer and sushi, and were pretty funny in that context, i just dont know how well they will transfer...

A research assistant is given the assigment to find out how a current shortage in meat is effecting different cultures around the world.

Firstly, he flys to Moscow, and stops a russian on the street, and says "excuse me, how do you feel the worldwide shortage of meat is effecting Russia?"

To which, the russian replies "what is meat?"

he then flies to New York, and stops a typical american, and says ""excuse me, how do you feel the worldwide shortage of meat is effecting America?"

To which, the american replies, "what is shortage?"

He then continues to Tel Aviv, and stops a typical Israeli, and says "excuse me, how do you feel the worldwide shortage of meat is effecting israel?"

To which, the Israeli replies, with a sneer "what is excuse me!"


In the spirit of reglious peace and co-operation, the Jews and Catholics agree to work together to try and form a friendier relationship - so to begin, they start an exchange program.

A rabbii flys to Rome, and gets a tour of the vatigon, when they get to the popes quarters, the Rabbii notices a red phone on the desk, and asks what it is. The bishop replies, that is a direct line to ***, so the pope may speak with him... The Rabbii is very impressed, and meekly asks if he could, perhaps, speak to *** through the phone.

The bishop says yes, and the rabbii calls ***, and recieves his blessing.

A few weeks later, after the rabbii has returned to Israel, he recieves a huge bill from the vatigan, when he calls to ask what this is for, he is told it is for his phone call, as it was very long distance, and very expensive.

The rabbii is offended, but pays, and a few months later, a bishop from rome comes to visit jerlusam.

He is shown around, and when he gets to the head rabbii's office, there is a red phone, and the bishop asks, is that, you know, a direct line to ***? The rabbii replies yes, would you like to speak to him?

The bishops speaks to ***, recieves his blessing, and turns and offers the Rabbii money for the call, to which the Rabbii replies, no no, no charge.

The bishop is confused, and says, when you visited us, we stiffed you with a huge bill, yet you are so nice? how come?

To which the Rabbii replied, well when i was in Rome, it was a very long distance call - whereas here, its just local.


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