Sunday's Joke

[LexAzur]

A very loud, unattractive, mean-acting woman walks into Wal-Mart with her two kids in tow, screaming obscenities at them all the way through the entrance.

The Wal-Mart Greeter says,good morning and welcome to Wal-Mart. Nice children you've got there - are they twins?

The woman stops screaming long enough to say, Hell no, they ain't twins! The oldest one, he's 9 and the younger one, she's 7. Why the hell would you think they're twins? Do you really think they look alike? Are you some kind of idiot?

No, replies the greeter, I just couldn't believe you got laid twice.

Q. What is the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker?

A. A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.

Q. What's a mixed feeling?

A. When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car.

Q. What's the height of conceit?

A. Having an orgasm and calling out your own name.

Q. What's the definition of macho?

A. Jogging home from your vasectomy.

Q. What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball?

A. A guy will actually search for a golf ball

Q. Do you know how New Zealanders practice safe s*x?

A. They spray paint X's on the back of the sheep that kick!

Q.Why is divorce so expensive?

A. Because it's worth it!

Q. What is a Yankee?

A. The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.

Q. What do Tupperware and a walrus have in common?

A. They both like a tight seal.

Q What do a Christmas tree and priest have in common?

A. Their balls are just for decoration.

Q.What is the difference between "ooooooh"and "aaaaaaah"?

A. About three inches.

Q. Why do Gay men wear ribbed condoms?

A. For traction in the mud.

Q: What's the difference between purple and pink?

A. The grip.

Q. How do you find a blind man in a nudist colony?

A. It's not hard.

Q: How do you circumcise a hillbilly?

A: Kick his sister in the jaw.

Q: What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?

A: 45 pounds.

Q: What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?

A: 45 minutes.

Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?

A: Breasts don't have eyes.

Q: If the dove is the bird of peace, what is the bird of true love?

A. The swallow.

Q: What is the difference between medium and rare?

A: Six inches is medium, eight inches is rare.

Q. Why do women rub their eyes when they get up in the morning?

A . They don't have balls to scratch!