Monday's Joke

[LexAzur]

A senior citizen in Texas bought a brand new 350Z convertible. He

took off down the road, flooring it to 80 mph and enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left on his head.

"This is great," he thought as he roared down I-10. He pushed the pedal

to the metal even more. Then he looked in his rear view mirror and saw a highway patrol trooper behind him, blue lights flashing and siren blaring. "I can get away from him with no problem" thought the man and he tromped it some more and flew down the road at over 100 mph. Then 110, 120 mph. Then he thought, "What am I doing? I'm too old for this kind of thing." He pulled over to the side of the road and waited for the trooper to catch up with him.

The trooper pulled in behind the Z and walked up to the man.

"Sir," he said, looking at his watch. "My shift ends in 30 minutes and today is Friday. If you can give me a reason why you were speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go."

The man looked at the trooper and said, "Years ago my wife ran off with a

Texas State Trooper, and I thought you were bringing her back."

"Have a good day, Sir," said the Trooper.

1) Which sexual position produces the ugliest children?

Ask your mother.

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2) How do you embarrass an archeologist?

Give him a tampon and ask him which period it came from.

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3) What's the difference between a bitch and a whore?

A whore sleeps with everybody at the party; A bitch sleeps with

everybody at the party except you.

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4) What's the difference between love, true love, and showing off?

Spitting, swallowing, and gargling.

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5) What's the difference between a Catholic wife and a Jewish wife?

A Catholic wife has real orgasms and fake jewelry.

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6) What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?

The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

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7) What is the biggest problem for an atheist?

No one to talk to during orgasm.

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8) What do you call an Amish guy with his hand up a horse's *****?

A mechanic.

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9) Who is the most popular guy at the nudist colony?

The guy who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen donuts.

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10) Who is the most popular girl at the nudist colony?

The one who can eat the last donut.

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11) Jewish dilemma:

Free PORK.

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12) The three words men hate to hear most during s*x:

"Are you in?"

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13) The three words women hate to hear most during s*x:

"Honey, I'm home!"