dipstick

Like Colin, nothing. Oh, other than some gloves, of course.

Excellent story, and it's true the old ones are the best. I remember hearing that being told by Ken Dodd on stage when I was six, so that was 35 years ago, and I'm reasonably certain he got it from Max Miller! Lots of "And on the way down he met the bricks coming up..." "and the on the way up, yes you've got it Missus..." Still laugh at it now though!

The purchase of a car is for many people the second largest financial investment they will make. Over the years I have been attracted to larger luxury cars, and decided in 2003 that the Lexus brand would be worth my attention. Previous purchases have always been complicated by the fact that I feel a need to know exactly what I'm getting into. I create spreadsheets analysing running costs, insurance, known issues, exact model types and years and many other factors. Gathering that information is always difficult. The Lexus Owner's Club made an enormous difference to that data gathering exercise, and after purchase of exactly the right Lexus for me, has proved to be an irresistable source of interest, humour, hard fact and entertainment. Couple that with a smug satisfaction every time significant money is saved on Lexus related purchases, which is just one of the advantages of being a Gold member, (in just four months I have saved nearly five times the annual subscription alone) and indeed, the discovery of perfection moves one step closer. And everyone who sees the sticker in the car thinks of Austin. As in Powers.

Well done chickens, I too am now endowed with a pretty logo. Evidently. Thanks. I frankly don't believe that Hermione can fix Harry Potter's glasses with a spell so simple as "Occulo Repairo". I think that Rowling woman could have tried a little harder, to be honest.

Don't hold your breath. I don't actually care that much but I've been a Gold member since 12th June and mine hasn't appeared yet! But I got my card and have saved about £100 so far on discounts so I'm happy.

Ah, excellent, thanks Colin. I'll have a close look at my adjustment tonight, and if that isn't a line from Carry on Write Off That Lexus I don't know what is. Loz, yes, you're right - I never use the sunroof (also known as a moonroof for reasons that escape me. Why not an Alpha Centauri roof?), other than in pub carparks on hot days when it's quite fun to discretely press and hold the button on the remote and watch the roof and windows whizz open. Not that anyone gives a damn.

Colin, I'd be interested to know what your sunroof adjustment procedure was, because I think I'd like to check mine. My instructions say to "peel back the trim at each side" (outside the car) "and there are four screws that can be adjusted hidden underneath". Is this in essence nonsense on a Mark 2 or is this what you did? I'm loath to peel away trim if that's the wrong thing to do. ALLDATA is too many pennies for a cheapskate like me.

The idea that the noise was coming from dead flies made me laugh, albeit the concept is a tad creepy. I've been meanig to put Rainex on again. I last used it in 1988, when it wasn't yet available in the UK. I bought it in Holland and slapped it on my rather sweet little Renault 5 GT Turbo, and convinced myself I was getting another half a mile an hour due to improved airflow.

Colin, as nobody seems to have mentioned the wind noise you were asking about, for what it's worth here's my experience. I got my GS300 in May, and thought it seemed noisy. Not having driven a Lexus before I just assumed that was the way it was. However, one night I squirted the windscreen at 60mph, and noise virtually stopped for a few minutes before returning. Having made sure that it was repeatable it was then apparent there had to be a tiny leak in the windscreen seal. I bought some sealant from Halfords for a fiver and very carefully went around the whole screen. That sorted the worst of it. There is still some wind noise from the drivers side, but I'm not 100% sure the door hasn't been off at some time. The window rattles a little and doesn' close as smoothlyas the others, so I think there's nothing to be done about that. Finally, I have some instructions/measurements for levelling the sunroof, but I THINK they're for a Mark 1, so probably no good. I got a cd from Ebay for £8.00 that's purportedly the Lexus repair manuals, which it isn't; I guess I was naieve to imagine it wouldn't be anything but a copy of something, so I can't complain. There are few useful diagrams etc, but on the whole it's pretty useless. But there is a section on sunroofs if you haven't yet sorted it and you want me to look at the salient details?

Gary, I can't answer why I get that kind of mpg other than driving style. My work journeys are similar to yours; 4 miles of village/B road, 2 miles of dual carriageway (ie about 50 mph in rush hour at tops), then 2 miles of town. Probably do about 100-200 miles a week over that on social stuff, and that's likely to be mostly 50-60mph on A roads, 70 on duals/motorways, but no faster. When I was looking at purchasing a Lex I was mindful of the kind of low-mid 20s mpg you are talking about. I expressed this reservation to a chum who said "If anyone can get 30 mpg out of it, it will be you". And indeed I do get the kind of mpg I mentioned, but I don't find it takes a special effort, nor have I changed my style since buying the car. My previous (hides head in shame) petrol 2 litre Mondeo gave me 44 mpg on average, and Mrs Dipstick is not allowed to see the trip button on the GS now as the frequency of her voice rises in inverse proportion to the increase in consumption. I guess it's about anticipation, using the brakes as little as possible, the usual old stuff. I never speed consistently at all, and use the cruise as much as possible. That's not to say that judicious use of the ECT button and a spot of double kick down doesn't go amiss sometimes too, and have seen something well over triple figures on the speedo by accident once or twice for a few seconds on those occasions.

One advantage of the trip button NOT working, to my mind, is that you can't see the horror that is labelled mpg, but actually turns on a hoover directly attached to your wallet. Having said that I've been pleasantly surprised to get between 28 and 31 mpg from my SE over the 7k I've driven since owning it. Shell Optimax does make a difference, but most of that has actually been Tesco's own petrol. It is of course entirely debateable whether putting Tesco's Own Value Light Low Cal Lemonade in the tank would work equally well, given that it tastes the same.

I put the sensors above the chrome trim, and thanks Claire; I'm already a Gold member, and got a discount on the sensors.

No, I didn't pic it - I suppose I could snap the rubber thingy if it will pose for me but other than that it's pretty self explanatory. I'll perhaps have a prod at it with a camera at the weekend then.

Right, just saved myself 50 quid by fitting the Quanan parking sensors myself to my 98 (mark 2) GS 300 SE. For what it's worth, if anyone wants to have a go and like me is an utter numpty with pointy tools, here's a couple of hintettes. Although there's a perfectly good workshop article on this it's not on the Mark 2. I don't think. Wiring. The wire the reversing light uses (at least on mine) is colour coded RED/BLUE from the light cluster to the multiplug, and RED/BLACK from then on. The Lexus wiring diagram I have only mentions red/black. I didn't take the rear cluster out at all - just hooked the thing into the wire near the multiplug. Sensor mounting. I drilled the bumper (dear Lord) for three sensors and threaded the cabling through. I then lay on lumpy weedy gravel and pulled the cables through. Ouch. The bumper didn't have to be removed or anything. Gravel laying is possibly optional. Getting into the boot. If you look under the spare wheel there's a rubber cap thing on what is I suppose a drain if the boot gets flooded. That just pulls out. So I cut a little slot in that and threaded the cables through it. Hurrah, into the boot with no drilling. If I'm wrong and the car is going to explode with petulance because I've fiddled with its rubber, then that's a price I'm prepared to pay. Mounting the display in the cabin. To get the display in the cabin, I lifted the left and right headrests on the back seat and removed the two bolts under the velcroed flaps. That allows the rear seat to come forward a few inches - just enough to pass the cable through. Also just enough to trap your fingers, leaving you with the growing conviction that you and your Lexus are now perhaps more intimately acquainted than you would like, and enough time passes for plans for your new life together to form before an hysterical Mrs Disptick comes to the rescue, but that's by the by. The cable then slips under the trim along the bottom of the door, then up inside the seam until just over the passenger seat belt, and that's where I velcroed the sensor. I used a blunt instrument to push the cable into the seams, but wasn't tempted to put it to any other use at that point. Took me an hour or two to do the job, and three days of getting up courage to run a 22mm drill into my bumper, but worth it. They work very well. Mrs Dipstick suggested that for £100 she would go beep frenetically when I was in reverse but I declined the offer. Would I do it again? Yes. What will I spend the £50 quid on? Suggestions gratefully received...

Gary, I have a '98 GS300 witbn satnav and I think I have the same version as you do. The trip greys out on the move and the interface is a trifle primitive. But it's not worth £150 for me to update it. Have you established whether the following is possible? I wanted to put in a "point to avoid" consisting of, basically, the A1. I'm sure when I first played with it I found a way of entering a whole road number like that, but now I can only seem to put in a single point ON the A1, rather than "can you PLEASE just avoid the whole road for me and not just reroute me two hundred yards through a layby?". The detour function hardly ever works, and although the manual says that when you choose to see a point of interest the map will zoom out until you do, it blinking well doesn't. Just says "no poi". And I wish she didn't keep saying "in two hundred yards bear left", because I've looked and there never is a bear.

Thanks guys. Very informative. Reckon I'll buy the parking sensors first then; doesn't immediately seem as if an update would be £150 well spent to me.

I have a 98 GS300 with Satnav and it has the original 98 CD. Is it worth the £155 required to get the update? As far as roads go, I think there's been about two occasions when a bypass/new roundabout hasn't been in the system, but other than that are there advantages? Specifically, does the newer CD have: Postcode entry? Street number entry? Shortest/Quickest route calculation? Any other benefit?

I'd be up for this on the 6th September. I have a set of clubs in the cupboard under the stairs. I don't remember which is the business end, and I'm not actually sure what a handicap is (actually I'm really not, so I think "28 doubled" sounds about right). I'm the only one ever to play crazy golf at Woburn. My Lexus is as bog standard and dull as a 98 satnav GS300 can be (not dull to me cos I love it but I'm no tweaker) And I'm personally really annoying of course. Other than that I'd be a fine addition to an afternoon prannying about with a lost ball. As long as there isn't commentary along the lines of "In one hundred yards, sharp sand coming up. Then 200 yards LATER slight broken ankle."

Solved wind noise from top of windscreen. The seal was lifting slightly top left is all, and was happening at 40mph+ cos the wind was strong enough I suppose. Dab of sealant, end of problem. Now quiet, hurrah.

WEll I had a go at the weekend. Solved the sunroof rattle by the addition of some black felt. Solved the rear cup holder rattle by a spot of tape. Can't solve the door window rattle, but did check the seals. One was not in place. Went round the whole car, adjusting/regluing seals as appropriate all over - now it's WAY quieter, biut I just can't find the cause of the wind noise at the top of the windscreen at 40mph+. Will ask the dealer. As to tyres, I'll have to live with it for a bit, but will try another brand. But got the famous 63k service to do next. Menu price £500... Anyway, thanks to all for suggestions, and I'm much happier with my GS now.

Bought my first Lexus, a 98 series 2 GS300, a month ago. I have admit a slight disappointment; the styling is fine, the performance is fine, the ride is fine. The audio is pretty dreadful, but the real issue is that it's so noisy! It rattles from odd places like the sunroof, the driver's window, the rear cupholders... and research here seems always to lead to "yes, they all do that." This is a 60k car with full Lexus history. The road noise is disappointing too; not just tyre noise (it's wearing Yokohamas) but every car that goes past the other way can be heard from miles away. There's also the dreaded wind noise at anything over 40mph. It's about as noisy as my previous 98 Mondeo, and it's WAY noisier than my friend's 96 BMW740. So. Should I have bought an LS?

I'm new here, having just bought my first Lexus. Had my GS300 SE for a couple of weeks now; very pleased with the economy (and delighted with the rest of the car bar a few rattles, sigh). 27.5 around town, 30.5 outside, done about 1000 miles, mixture of Texaco/Tesco/Optimax fillups. But then I drive very lightfootedly, with just the occasional wallop into sports mode for an overtake. Shows it can be done though.