Jokes From Germany

[Diapason]

Fidgits mentioned some Jewish jokes, and that put in me mind of a set of "Jokes from Germany" I happened across a while ago:

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

The police. I'm afraid there's been an accident. Your husband is in hospital.

A man walks into a pub.

He is an alcoholic whose drink problem is destroying his family.

Did you hear about the blonde who jumped off a bridge?

She was clinically depressed and took her own life because of her terribly low self-esteem.

What do you call a cat with no tail?

A manx cat.

Why do undertakers wear ties?

Because their profession is very serious, and it is important that their appearance has a degree of gravitas.

How many electricians does it take to change a lightbulb?

One.

Why do women fake orgasms?

Because they want to give men the impression that they have climaxed.

Two men are sitting in a pub. One man turns to the other and says: 'Last night I saw lots of strange men coming in and out of your wife's house.'

The other man replies: 'Yes, she has become a prostitute to subsidise her drug habit.'

Two cows are in a field. Suddenly, from behind a bush, a rabbit leaps out and runs away. One cow looks round a bit, eats some grass and then wanders off.

Why are there no aspirin in the jungle?

Because it would not be financially viable to attempt to sell pharmaceuticals in the largely unpopulated rainforest.

Si

[Lex-aholic]

I might be thick today, but I don't get them :duh:

[Fidgits]

i think its a whole 'the germans have no sense of humour' thing...

and my reference to jewish jokes, meant jokes the israelis find funny, a few of which poke fun at other religions...

[Diapason]

Well, the Germans aren't normally renowned for their sparkling sense of humour, so that may be the point... ;)

In my experience, some people find these absolutely eye-wateringly hilarious, and others simply don't find them funny in any way shape or form. I don't know what it says about me, but my "jokes" frequently fall into that category. My absolute favourite joke of all time begins with the line: "A man walks into a bar and he has a Jaffa Cake for a head" and ends about 10 minutes later with most listeners wanting to punch me in the nose.

Si

and my reference to jewish jokes, meant jokes the israelis find funny, a few of which poke fun at other religions...

And that, strangely, is what got me thinking along these lines. I received a group of "Gentile jokes" from a Jewish friend ages back. Any Jewish people who heard them seemed to think they were hysterical, some others were left a little puzzled. I'll see if I can find them.

Si

[Lex-aholic]

Aha - now I understand.

Bear with me, it's Friday and I think my brain is on screen-saver. :winky:

[PhoneDrome]

PMSL... these are called AntiJokes :D (from 1980~1992)

They do not reflect the actual German humour :winky:

A fat sparrow is sitting on its perch... what does it chirp?

---> TWWWWEEEEEETTT!!!

[Noel]

I think you have to read them in an ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER accent...and think logicly....and then realise that German jokes aint funny....

But they are funny because they are not funny.......get it

btw...i know the "Oak" is Austrian....

[CrashDown]

It isn't exemplarily for german jokes!

A example for a german joke is:

What is the diffrent between a a snake and a line of cars (the word to word translation from german is car-snake)

The a-s-s-h-o-l-e of the "car-snake" is in front of it.

It isn't a good joke but an example, that jokes dependent from the words in a language.

Don't be afraid - we are wittily