Can You Red This Without Laughing ?

[BTS]

Just a little note i read i was in tears But go ahead read away guys i wouldent advise holding a coffee whilst reading

THIS IS SOOOOO FUNNY..........

Pocket Taser Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife. A guy who

purchased his lovely wife a pocket Taser for their anniversary submitted

this:

Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that

sparked my interest.. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was

looking for a little something extra for my wife Julie.

What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized taser. The

effects of the taser were supposed to be short lived, with no long-term

adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat

to safety....??

WAY TOO COOL!

Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. I

loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button.

Nothing! I was disappointed.

I learned, however, that if I pushed the button AND pressed it

against a metal surface at the same time; I'd get the blue arc of

electricity darting back and forth between the prongs.

AWESOME!!!

Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is

on the face of her microwave.

Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that

it couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-A batteries, right?

There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently

(trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking

that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving

target.

I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a

second) and thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat.

But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect

herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work

as advertised.

Am I wrong?

So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading

glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one

hand, and taser in another.

The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and

disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause

muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a three-second burst

would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out

of water. Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the

batteries.

All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5'

long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really and

(loaded with two itsy, bitsy triple-A batteries) thinking to myself, 'no

possible way!'

What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my

best...?

I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to

one side as to say, 'don't do it dip****,' reasoning that a one second

burst from such a tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad.

I decided to give myself a one second burst just for heck of it. I

touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and . ..

HOLY MOTHER OF GOD . . . WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION . .. . WHAT THE

HELL!!!

I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door,

picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet,

over and over and over again.

I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with

tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles

nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest

position, and tingling in my legs?

The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before,

clinging to a picture frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously in an

attempt to avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all over the living

room.

Note: If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a taser,

one note of caution: there is no such thing as a one second burst when

you zap yourself!

You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your

hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor. A three second burst

would be considered conservative?

SON-OF-A-BITCH, THAT HURT LIKE HELL!!!

A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing

at that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and

surveyed the landscape.

My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. The

recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from where it originally

was. My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching.

My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom

lip weighed 88 lbs. I had no control over the drooling.

Apparently I **** myself, but was too numb to know for sure and my

sense of smell was gone. I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head which I

believe came from my hair.

I'm still looking for my nuts and I'm offering a significant

reward for their safe return!!

P. S. My wife loved the gift, and now regularly threatens me with

it!

[ACLex]

:hehe: :yahoo: :lol: :lol:

Nope! cant do it...........

Andy

[Colin ck]

Me too! But thank you for the best laugh I've had in years.

[lewe_d_is200]

Pmsl. :-P