2004 Darwin Awards

[Kremmen]

2004 Darwin awards

Hard to believe, but another year has passed. Once again, it's time for the Darwin Award Nominees. The Darwin's are awarded every year to the idiots who died in the most stupid manner, thereby removing themselves from the gene pool.

This year's nine nominees are:

Nominee No. 1: [san Jose Mercury News]:

An unidentified man, using a shotgun like a club to break a

former girlfriend's windshield, accidentally shot himself to

death when the gun discharged, blowing a hole in his gut.

Nominee No. 2: [Kalamazoo Gazette]:

James Burns, 34, (a mechanic) of Alamo, MI, was killed in March

as he was trying to repair what police describe as a "farm-type

truck." Burns got a friend to drive the truck on a highway

while Burns hung underneath so that he could ascertain the

source of a troubling noise. Burns' clothes caught on

something, however, and the other man found Burns "wrapped in

the drive shaft."

Nominee No. 3: [Hickory Daily Record]:

Ken Charles Barger, 47, accidentally shot himself to death in

December in Newton, NC. Awakening to the sound of a ringing

telephone beside his bed, he reached for the phone but grabbed

instead a Smith & Wesson 38 Special, which discharged when he

drew it to his ear.

Nominee No. 4: [uPI, Toronto]:

Police said a lawyer demonstrating the safety of windows in a

downtown Toronto skyscraper crashed through a pane with his

shoulder and plunged 24 floors to his death. A police spokesman

said Garry Hoy, 39, fell into the courtyard of the Toronto

Dominion Bank Tower early Friday evening as he was explaining

the strength of the building's windows to visiting law

students. Hoy previously has conducted demonstrations of window

strength according to police reports. Peter Lawson, managing

partner of the firm Holden Day, told the Toronto Sun newspaper

that Hoy was "one of the best and brightest" members of the

200-man association.

Nominee No. 5: [bloomberg News Service]:

A terrible diet and a room with no ventilation are being blamed

for the death of a man who was killed by his own gas emissions.

There was no mark on his body, and an autopsy showed large

amounts of methane gas in his system. His diet had consisted

primarily of beans and cabbage (and a couple of other things).

It was just the right combination of foods. It appears that the

man died in his sleep from breathing the poisonous cloud that

was hanging over his bed. Had he been outside or had his

windows been opened, it wouldn't have been fatal But the man

was shut up in his nearly-airtight bedroom. According to the

article, "He was a big man with a huge capacity for creating

"this deadly gas." Three of the rescuers got sick, and one was

hospitalized.

Nominee No. 6: [The News of the Weird]:

Michael Anderson Godwin made News of the Weird posthumously.He

had spent several years awaiting South Carolina's electric

chair on a murder conviction before having his sentence reduced

to life in prison. While sitting on a metal toilet in his cell

attempting to fix his small TV set, he bit into a wire and was

electrocuted.

Nominee No. 7: [The Indianapolis Star]:

A cigarette lighter may have triggered a fatal explosion in

Dunkirk, IN. A Jay County man, using a cigarette lighter to

check the barrel of a muzzle loader, was killed Monday night

when the weapon discharged in his face, sheriff's investigators

said. Gregory David Pryor, 19, died in his parents' rural

Dunkirk home at about 11:30 PM. Investigators said Pryor was

cleaning a 54-caliber muzzle-loader that had not been firing

properly. He was using the lighter to look into the barrel when

the gunpowder ignited.

Nominee No. 8: [Reuters, Mississauga, Ontario]:

A man cleaning a bird feeder on the balcony of his condominium

apartment in this Toronto suburb slipped and fell 23 stories to

his death. Stefan Macko, 55, was standing on a wheeled chair

when the accident occurred, said Inspector D'Arcy Honer of the

Peel Regional Police. "It appears that the chair moved, and he

went over the balcony," Honer said.

Finally, THE WINNER!!!: [Arkansas Democrat Gazette]:

Two local men were injured when their pickup truck left the

road and struck a tree near Cotton Patch on State Highway 38

early Monday. Woodruff County deputy Dovey Snyder reported the

accident shortly after midnight Monday. Thurston Poole, 33, of

Des Arc, and Billy Ray Wallis, 38, of Little Rock, were

returning to Des Arc after a frog gigging trip on an overcast

Sunday night when Poole's pickup truck headlights

malfunctioned. The two men concluded that the headlight fuse

on the older-model truck had burned out. As a replacement fuse

was not available, Wallis noticed that the .22 caliber bullet

from his pistol fit perfectly into the fuse box next to the

steering-wheel column. Upon inserting the bullet the headlights

again began to operate properly, and the two men proceeded on

eastbound toward the White River Bridge. After traveling

approximately 20 miles, and just before crossing the river,

the bullet apparently overheated, discharged, and struck Poole

in the testicles. The vehicle swerved sharply right, exiting

the pavement, and striking a tree. Poole suffered only minor

cuts and abrasions from the accident, but will require

extensive surgery to repair the damage to his testicles, which

will never operate as intended. Wallis sustained a broken

clavicle and was treated and released. "Thank *** we weren't on

that bridge when Thurston shot his balls off, or we might both

be dead," stated Wallis. "I've been a trooper for 10 years in

this part of the world, but this is a first for me. I can't

believe that those two would admit how this accident happened,"

said Snyder. Upon being notified of the wreck, Lavinia (Poole's

wife) asked how many frogs the boys had caught and did anyone

get them from the truck???

Though Poole and Wallis did not die as a result of their

misadventure as normally required by Darwin Award Official

Rules, it can be argued that Poole DID, in fact, effectively

remove himself from the gene pool.