Terrible Joke

[Leexus]

LOL! :lol:

[Edited on 14-6-2002 by Leexus]

[Zee007]

@ Gordon

[Mitch]

wot do u call a man with no ears. anything u want coz he cant hear u:rolleyes:

[Mitch]

wot do u call a bear with no ear????????? B'........ haha:D

[Mitch]

wot do u call a dear wit no ear???? no eye-dear....

[Mitch]

them 3 jokes gotta b the worst ones here. do i get a prize.... a sports grill??? haha (sorry thats another joke, im on a roll, unless u actually wanna give me a sports grill)

[Zee007]

what do you call a dear with no eyes and no legs? STILL no eye-dear...

[Canter]

nice shortfilm:

http://www.radarfalle.de/bilder/bdw/23_02.html

:saint:

[Canter]

"What Kind Of Farter Are You?"

VAIN

A person who loves the smell of his own farts

AMIABLE

A person who loves the smell of other people's farts

PROUD

A person who thinks his farts are exceptionally fine

SHY

A person who releases silent farts and then blushes

IMPUDENT

A person who boldly farts out loud and then laughs

UNFORTUNATE

A person who tries awfully hard to fart but poops instead

SCIENTIFIC

A person who farts regularly but is only concerned about pollution

NERVOUS

A person who stops in the middle of his fart

HONEST

A person who admits he farted but offers good medical reasons

DISHONEST

A person who farts and then blames the dog

FOOLISH

A person who suppresses a fart for hours and hours

THRIFTY

A person who has several good farts in reserve

ANTI-SOCIAL

A person who excuses himself and farts in complete privacy

STRATEGIC

A person who conceals his farts with loud coughing

SADISTIC

A person who farts in bed and then fluffs the cover over his bedmate

INTELLECTUAL

A person who can determine from the smell of his neighbor's fart precisely the latest food item consumed

ATHLETIC

A person who farts at the slightest exertion

MISERABLE

A person who would truly love to, but can't fart at all

SENSITIVE

A person who farts and then starts crying

[Grangey]

A woman goes in to a church, topless. The vicar say's 'You can't come in here dressed like that.' The woman replies 'But I have a divine right.' The vicar replies, quickly 'You have a divine left too, but you still can't come in here dressed like that!'

[Grangey]

Copper walking past some bushes and, hearing giggling and moaning, goes to investigate. He sees a couple sh*gging like mad. ' 'Ere,' he say's. 'You can't do that here!'.

'But I'm Pastor Pomfret' comes the reply.

The copper say's 'I don't care if you're past 'er kidneys, you still can't do that here!'

[Steve]

Originally posted by Playa

wot do u call a dear wit no ear???? no eye-dear....

shouldnt it be what do you call a dear with no eyes.... no Eye Dear

[Zee007]

Recently in a Traffic Court, a man who received an expensive parking ticket testified that a uniformed Policeman had given his OK for the man to park there.

The Judge asked the man if he would recognize the Officer if he ever saw him again, and the man replied that he would.

The Judge then said, "Good. When you see the Officer again, tell him he owes you sixty quid. Next..." :D

[tonb]

Two women go out one Friday night on a girls night out, without their husbands.

As they head back home after midnight, both of them drunk, they felt the urge to wee. As they were passing a cemetary, they stopped, and decided that however scary it was, they desperately needed the loo.

Not having any loo roll, after the first one had a wee, she took off her knickers, used them as loo roll, then threw them away. The second thought "I'm not wasting a pair of knickers..." so she used the ribbon of a flower wreath within her reach instead.

The morning after, the two husbands were talking to each other on the phone, and one says to the other: " I think we have to be on the look-out, it seems that these two were up to no good last night, my wife came home without her knickers"

The other one responded: "You're lucky, mine came home with a card stuck to her bottom that read: "We will never forget you" :eyes:

[Zee007]

How To Get Out Of A Speeding Ticket...

A police officer pulls a guy over for speeding and has the following

exchange:

Officer: May I see your driver's license?

Driver: I don't have one. I had it suspended when I got my 5th DUI.

Officer: May I see the registration for this vehicle?

Driver: It's not my car. I stole it.

Officer: The car is stolen?

Driver: That's right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the owner's card in the glove box when I was putting my gun in there.

Officer: There's a gun in the glove box?

Driver: Yes sir. That's where I put it after I shot and killed the lady who owns this car and stuffed her in the trunk.

Officer: There's a BODY in the TRUNK?!?!?

Driver: Yes, sir.

Hearing this, the officer immediately called his captain. The car was quickly surrounded by police, and the captain approached the driver to handle the tense situation:

Captain: Sir, can I see your license?

Driver: Sure. Here it is.

It was valid.

Captain: Who's car is this?

Driver: It's mine, officer. Here's the registration.

The driver owned the car.

Captain: Could you slowly open your glove box so I can see if there's a gun in it?

Driver: Gun? What gun ?? ...There's no gun in it.

Sure enough, there was nothing in the glove box.

Captain: Would you mind opening your trunk? I was told you said there's a body in it.

Driver: I said what ????

Trunk is opened; no body.

Captain: I don't understand it. The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn't have a license, stole the car, had a gun in the glove box, and that there was a dead body in the trunk.

Driver: Yeah, And I'll bet the lying pig told you I was speeding too!