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Army Official Voice Mail Message

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"Thank you for calling the British Army. Iam sorry, but all of our units are out at the moment or are otherwise engaged.

Please leave a message with the following infomation.

Your Country

name of organisation

the region

the specific crises

and a number which we can call you back on, As soon as we have sorted out the Bosnia,Iraq,Northan Ireland,Afganistan,Sierra Leone,Kosovo and finished marching up and down bits or tarmac in London and finished Compulsery Equal Opportunities Training, we will return your call.

Please speak after the tone, or if you require more options, please listen for the following options.


If your crises is small, and close to the sea, press 1 for the Royal Marines.

If your concern is distant, with a tropical climate and good hotels, and can be solved by 1 or 2 low risk bombing runs, press # for the Royal Air Force. Please note this service is not available after 16:30 hrs or at weekends.

If your enquiry concerns a situation which can be resolved by a bit of Grey Funnel, Bunting,Flags and a really good marching band, please write well in advance, to the

First Sea Lord

The Admiralty



United Kingdon

If your enquiry is not urgent, please press 2 for the Allied Rapid Reaction Corps.

If you are in real hot trouble, please press 3 and your call will be routed to Sandline International.

If you are intrested in Joining the British Army and wish to be shouted at, paid little,have premature arthritis, put your wife and family in a condemed hut miles from civilisation, and are prepared to work your B******KS OFF daily, risking your life, in all weathers and terrain, both day and night, whilst watching the treasury eroding your original conditions of Terms of Service, then please stay on the line.

Your call will shortly be connected to a bitter passed-over Recruiting Sergeant in a grotty shop down by the railway station.


Ministry of Defence..........Investors in Paperwork

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can see why you signed up!

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:) ........and yet so true

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