Monday Funnies

[Red]

This is an actual letter of resignation from an employee at Zantex

Computers, USA, to his boss. His boss apparently resigned very soon

afterwards!

Dear Mr Baker,

As an employee of an institution of higher education, I have a few

very basic expectations. Chief among these is that my direct superiors

have an intellect that ranges above the common ground squirrel. After

your consistent and annoying harassment of my co-workers and myself

during the commission of our duties, I can only surmise that you are

one of the few true genetic wastes of our time. Asking me, a network

administrator, to explain every little nuance of everything I do

each time you happen to stroll into my office is not only a waste of

time, but also a waste of precious oxygen. I was hired because I

know how to network computer systems, and you were apparently hired

to provide amusement to myself and other employees, who watch you

vainly attempt to understand the concept of "cut and paste" for the

hundredth time. You will never understand computers. Something as incredibly simple as

binary still gives you too many options. You will also never

understand why people hate you, but I am going to try and explain it

to you, even though I am sure this will be just as effective as

telling you what an IP is. Your shiny new iMac has more personality

than you ever will. You walk around the building all day, shiftlessly

looking for fault in others. You have a sharp dressed useless look

about you that may have worked for your interview, but now that you

actually have responsibility, you pawn it off on overworked staff,

hoping their talent will cover for your glaring ineptitude. In a world

of managerial evolution, you are the blue-green algae that everyone

else eats and laughs at. Managers like you are a sad proof of the

Dilbert principle. Seeing as this situation is unlikely to

change without you getting a full frontal lobotomy reversal, I am

forced to tender my resignation; however I have a few parting

thoughts.

1. When someone calls you in reference to employment, it is illegal

to give me a bad recommendation. The most you can say to hurt me is "I

prefer not to comment." I will have friends randomly call you over the

next couple of years to keep you honest, because I know you would be

unable to do it on your own. 2. I have all the passwords to every account on the system, and I

know every password you have used for the last five years. If you

decide to get cute, I am going to publish your "favourites list",

which I conveniently saved when you made me "back up" your useless

files. I do believe that terms like "Lolita" are not usually

viewed favourably by the administration. 3. When you borrowed the digital camera to "take pictures of your

mothers b-day", you neglected to mention that you were going to take

pictures of yourself in the mirror nude. Then you forgot to erase them

like the techno-moron you really are. Suffice it to say I have never

seen such odd acts with a ketchup bottle, but I assure you that those

have been copied and kept in safe places pending the authoring of a

glowing letter of recommendation. (Try to use a spell check please. I

hate having to correct your mistakes.)

Thank you for your time, and I expect the letter of recommendation on

my desk by 8:00 am tomorrow. One word of this to anybody, and all of

your little twisted repugnant obsessions will be open to the public. Never f*** with your systems administrator - Why?

Because they know what you do with all that free time!

Sincerely

Darryl Brewer

[brn7y]

Excellent!

[Claire G]

FANTASTIC !!!

[Jimmy Ten Toes]

Never f*** with your systems administrator

Believe!!

and learn how to clear temp internet files and cookies!

[Claire G]

Just been shown how to do that. Our IT department aren't fans of us using our laptops to surf the net ;)

[Matthew_McNally]

and learn how to clear temp internet files and cookies!

we 'caught' an IT guy who had left this way.

He had cleared his cache, history etc - but his cookies told a very different story!

hehehehehee

we weren't too bothered to be honest - just ripped on him behind his back!

[Claire G]

An ex-boss told us he had the Techy guys install internet monitoring software, so he could check out everyone was actually working 9-5.

The funny thing was that he assumed it switched off out of working hours - it didn't. If my boss had pee'd me off, I used to get the Techy guys to show me what he'd been surfing. You can't take seriously any stick you get from a man who'd been surfing BigBoys.com or similar sounding names