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Clarkson On Lexus Rx300


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Jeremy Clarkson: Bling bling! Here comes whitey *****

Lexus RX300

It all started with DJ Tim Westwood, the source and inspiration for the monster that is Ali G. It was all a bit of a joke: nice white boys dressing, acting and even talking like they were black; now everyone’s at it.

Two City types meet in a pub, both young, blond, Pink shirts and subtle suits. Everything about them is very white except the way they shake hands. Both go for the West Indian technique of balled fists and knuckles touching.

Next day, and a kitchen in west London: pine floors, Poggenpohl kitchen appliances, Mark Williamson handiwork. The Persil-white 15-year-old son is coming home from a night out with friends. “Man, it’s kicking out there tonight. It’s a war zone,” he says.

And then we have the so-called Lotto Lout, the young man with a criminal record who won £9.7m on the lottery. He’s a white boy but he turned up at court the other day dressed like Snoop Dogg — baggy trousers, chains as big as a Brunel backdrop and with more gold than the souk in Dubai.

Now look at my daughter, for whom the world is divided into two parts: cool and not cool. There she is, nine years old, at a private school in Oxford, modelling her life on the beach vendors in Barbados. Dr Cool, the man with the aloe (and the cocaine) — he’s all right. Prince Charles, he’s groovy for sure, but cool? Like . . . no way!

And your kids. Ever wondered why their trousers have to be worn so low on the hips that you can see their pubic hair? The trend started in the jails of America, where the po-lice would take your belt to stop you hangin’ yo’self. Low-slung trousers mean you’ve been inside. And being inside is, well, cool.

Then there’s you. You didn’t buy Tatler when it had Naomi Campbell on the cover, but you eat Dorset Super High Fibre cereal because Jamaican guys say it’s better than Viagra. You used to think plasma televisions were vulgar, but now that they’re “bling” you want one. You hate rap, but love Eminem. You don’t want more immigrants but if someone offered you a diamond-encrusted Mac-10 you’d buy it like a shot.

Recent surveys suggest that in the absence of any white subculture such as punk, people are turning to black culture instead. Apparently we’re even starting to speak Blinglish, peppering our everyday conversations with words like “buff” and “standard”. This hasn’t yet happened in Chipping Norton, and that bitch ho at the post office has not inquired after me mampi and me hench, but I’m sure she soon will.

If we’re all going to be niggaz, we’re going to need some appropriate wheels. In the past that would have taken us straight to the door of BMW, an acronym for Black Man’s Wheels. But that was then, and in the old days car firms didn’t like the association with black culture. Now they love it. In America black rappers have taken to driving round in Cadillacs and this has totally transformed the brand. Not that long ago, Caddies were bought only by little old ladies in Florida retirement communities, and now they’re the hottest ticket in town.

Bentley, too, is reaping the rewards after Wyclef Jean bought a Continental GT, but the biggest winner, the ultimate rap-mobile, is the Lexus. The demolition job done on the brand by Steve Coogan, who gave Alan Partridge an IS200 in his most recent television series, has been overturned by the black man’s love affair with this Japanese upstart. Sales are through the roof.

Check out song lyrics to see what I mean. Sarah Jones, in Your Revolution, talks about “The Versaces you buy or the Lexus you buy”, while R Kelly says, “The way you do things you do reminds me of my Lexus, cool”, and 2 Pac & Outlaws wrote, “She’s snorting dope in the back seat of Trigg’s Lexus”. Then you have Allied Meta-Forces with the unforgettable, “Get blast for ya necklace, leave ya brains on the dash of ya Lexus”.

So I borrowed one of the new RX300s and went for a drive with Nas’s Watch Dem Niggas on the stereo — “Crime infected. Drivin’ a Lexus, with a death wish”.

This new quasi off-road car will afford you more respect from the brothers, and your children, than a Porsche Cayenne V6 or a BMW X5 3 litre. But is it any good?

From the outside it doesn’t have the traditional Tonka Toy chunkiness you’d expect of off-roaders, and on the inside, apart from a mildly raised driving position, it feels like a Lexus saloon — there’s wood and leather along with the most beautifully organised dashboard I’ve ever seen.

Then there’s the quality. Toyota actually employs a man whose sole job is to ensure switches have a robust but smooth feel, and a satisfying click when you push them. It shows. And the stereo is magnificent, while the ride comfort is extraordinarily good.

Like the Range Rover, the Lexus is of monocoque construction which — in top models at least — is supported by adjustable air suspension. But unlike the Range Rover, or any other off-roader I’ve driven, it doesn’t fidget or bounce. It would certainly make a stable gun platform in any drive-by shooting. The old RX had an awful ride, but this one gives no impression at all that you’re in something that’s designed for the big outdoors.

Perhaps because it wasn’t. There are no buttons to push if you get stuck in mud, no transfer box or locking differentials, no gubbins to keep you moving when nature would rather you didn’t. But what you do get is a camera in the rear tailgate to help you park.

And it’s very clever: you pull up in front of a parking space then press “I agree” on the dash-mounted TV. A box comes onto the screen showing you how much you need to turn the wheel in order to park. Follow the instructions and you’ll slot into the space perfectly.

This, then, is an off-roader designed for the urban jungle. Maybe that’s why the boot is too small for shotguns and hunting rifles, but the glove box is large enough to hold an Uzi.

So far as peeps are concerned, you get five beautifully trimmed leather seats and that’s it. They don’t swivel or turn into sherry trifles, and nothing pops out of the boot floor.

Which brings us, in sepulchral silence, to the RX’s biggest problem: I don’t know what it’s for. When we buy off-road cars it isn’t because we want to go off road, it’s because we like the raised driving position and the sense of solidity, and we’re prepared to put up with the downsides — the ride, the fuel consumption, the lack of performance, and so on.

But you don’t get any sense of chunkiness with the Lexus. As you drive it you can’t help thinking: “This feels exactly like a normal car.”

So why not buy a car instead? It’ll be faster, more comfortable, and will do more than 23mpg. What’s more it’ll be the GS300, which is as cool as they come, the chilliest model in the Lexus line-up. Nirvana for P Diddy, ambrosia for 50 Cent (or 28p, as I call him, to annoy my kids).

Lexus engineers were probably hugely pleased with the RX300. “Rook at how such a big, high-liding car is so sophisticated and smooth.” But in making it so, they’ve erased all the appeal, thrown the baby out with the bathwater. It’s good for an off-roader, but only because it isn’t one.

So what’s the alternative for around £37,000? I’m no fan of the BMW X5 or the VW Toe-Rag, the Porsche Cayenne V6 isn’t very bling, the Mercedes ML is 500 years old, the Discovery is for murderers (they all have one) and you’re more likely to find an NHS dentist in Scarborough than a Volvo XC90 on the roads. So that leaves the Range Rover, which unfortunately is a deal more expensive.

Still, don’t give up hope. Simply study the teachings of BG in his song I Be Thinking. He wisely says: “I be loaded, thinking of Range Rovers. Maybe I could get a Range Rover if I stay my ***** sober.”

VITAL STATISTICS

Model: Lexus RX300 SE-L

Engine type: V6, 2995cc 

Power: 201bhp @ 5600rpm

Torque: 209 lb ft @ 4500rpm

Transmission: Five-speed automatic, four-wheel drive

Tyres: 195/60 R15

Fuel: 23.2mpg (combined)

Top speed: 124mph

Acceleration: 0 to 62mph: 9sec

Price:  £37,825

Verdict: Apart from guaranteeing respect from Compton to Chipping Norton, what is it for?

Rating:

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Jeremy would probably **** his pants then if we all turned up with the allround tints and stuck a water pistol out the window! How can something be bad for being good?!

I don't actually know anyone with a 4x4 who likes to drive round in crap - they have tractors for that! Have got to admit that most of the 4x4's I know are used by birds to go shopping in and take the kids to school - why??

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Bloody hell,

I'm a bit offended by article.

Hes only just discovered that respect a lex carries that much respect? :P

since the launch of the LS400, a lex has carried more respect then a bimma and benz put together. But then agian that is the country that sees an Accord, a Maxima, a Camry, RX7s and even Civics as a status symbol.

Recent lyric i cant stand is by newcomer Vybz Kartel 'I get high, as I drive inna mi 320i' :angry:

:offtopic: on bikes its all about he Kawasaki NINJA

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hehehehe

that will be the day I base my decision to buy a car on what talentless :tsktsk: wit rapper thinks!

:lol:

How about a talented Rapper den? :P

'You aint got no leeeeeeeeeeexus, thats coz you can affooooord it' :lol:

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How about a talented Rapper den?

you might find this link useful? :P

:lol: yea rite matt, your showing your age :whistling:

anyways if your pushing a lex you di Don Dada, nuff said B)

Just for Matt

'DON DADA            the highest of DON'S (6)'

Also a chart topping album from the original wild apache SUPER CAT

DON                      one who is respected, master of a situation (6)

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hehehehe

that will be the day I base my decision to buy a car on what either Clarkson or some talentless :tsktsk: wit rapper thinks!

:lol:

:D :D Could not agree more although did find the article very funny and oh so true in places

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hehehehe

that will be the day I base my decision to buy a car on what either Clarkson or some talentless :tsktsk: wit rapper thinks!

:lol:

:D :D Could not agree more although did find the article very funny and oh so true in places

If the lack of identity was the worst thing Jeremy could find with the car, then I think it got off lightly.

I've mety the bloke and he is passionate about cars. Look at the previous week's review: The new golf. He slates it.

Read the article and he does say the RX is better than the Posh and the X5, and it's outselling them both. He even mentions that it's better than the range rover, surrey's / oxon's fave vehicle!

Nuff said, IMHO

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I am suddenly feel a bit white for my RX! Yo yo whas up y'all. Oh good heavens where did that come from. As gane a croosn' Crikey there I go again. Mas RX is wewl wicked. Jings crivens what am I saying?

Hmmm seems JC is right - I appear to be 'kickin'

:winky:

Ps how did he get a 15' tyre round the 18' wheel?

PPS Still haven't got a clue why people still talk about off road and the RX in the same sentence - If I wanted to go off road I would have bought a pair of wellies.

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too be fair JC didnt slate the Lex half as bad as i thought he would!!!!!!!!!!!which is all good

OFF TOPIC but i dnt give a damn whether JC or anyone else wants to slate hip-hop/RnB etc, you dnt like it dnt listen to it simple as that, i listen to it and wouldnt listen to anyhting else ever!!

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too be fair JC didnt slate the Lex half as bad as i thought he would!!!!!!!!!!!which is all good

OFF TOPIC but i dnt give a damn whether JC or anyone else wants to slate hip-hop/RnB etc, you dnt like it dnt listen to it simple as that, i listen to it and wouldnt listen to anyhting else ever!!

I agree its just a shame that these :tsktsk: 's that play it in there cars at full bass seem to think different :)

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too be fair JC didnt slate the Lex half as bad as i thought he would!!!!!!!!!!!which is all good

OFF TOPIC but i dnt give a damn whether JC or anyone else wants to slate hip-hop/RnB etc, you dnt like it dnt listen to it simple as that, i listen to it and wouldnt listen to anyhting else ever!!

I agree its just a shame that these :tsktsk: 's that play it in there cars at full bass seem to think different :)

count me as one of them :tsktsk: then mate

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dnt mind answering that mate

i just like my bass i guess and hip-hop/rnb/dancehall has a real big bass to it and it dnt sound right if it aint loud to me so thats how i play it.

sorry if thats not very in depth mate but explained it best way i could

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Matt do a quick search on reggae sound systems and bass....

You should learn a bit ;)

Back in my jungle/drum and bass days, it was all about the BASS BASS BASS,

since gettin the lex i've calmed down :blink:

Anyways Matty boy, I think I need to take you out to a valve sound system time, its in the guiness book, for being the loudest sound system in the world. you need to earplugs. my mates ears started bleeding last time :ohmy:

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