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For All You Drinkers


Bazza
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ALCOHOL TROUBLESHOOTING

SYMPTOM

FAULT

ACTION

1.Feet cold and wet.

Glass being held at incorrect angle.

Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling.

2.Feet warm and wet.

Improper bladder control.

Stand next to nearest dog, complain about house training.

3.Drink unusually pale and tasteless.

Glass empty.

Get someone to buy you another drink.

4.Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights.

You have fallen over backward.

Have yourself leashed to bar.

5.Mouth contains cigarette butts.

You have fallen forward.

See above.

6.Alcohol tasteless, front of your shirt is wet.

Mouth not open, or glass applied to wrong part of face.

Retire to restroom, practice in mirror.

7.Floor blurred.

You are looking through bottom of empty glass.

Get someone to buy you another drink.

8.Floor moving.

You are being carried out.

Find out if you are being taken to another bar.

9.Room seems unusually dark.

Bar has closed.

Confirm home address with bartender.

10.Taxi suddenly takes on colorful aspect and textures.

Alcohol consumption has exceeded personal limitations.

Cover mouth.

11.Everyone looks up to you and smiles.

You are dancing on the table.

Fall on somebody cushy-looking.

12.Drink is crystal-clear.

It's water. Somebody is trying to sober you up.

Punch him.

13.Hands hurt, nose hurts, mind unusually clear.

You have been in a fight.

Apologize to everyone you see, just in case it was them.

14.Don't recognize anyone, don't recognize the room you're in.

You've wandered into the wrong party.

See if they have free alcohol.

15.Your singing sounds distorted.

The drink is too weak.

Have more alcohol until your voice improves.

16.Don't remember the words to the song.

Drink is just right.

Play air guitar.

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That's incredible Mat, this post made me think of that exact post too!!!

The mythical beer scooter, we were only on about the beer jumper at lunchtime today!! Quality!

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gonna have a house warming party when we move, now that will be a bonkers night, will make sure theres plenty of beer scooter parking , thats if everyone doesnt collapse on the floor somewhere!

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Knowing you lot drink Stella that's too right mate, make sure you put plastic sheets down everywhere just in case!!

so there can be a murder and we can get rid of any evidence? great idea aiden, now who shall we murder?

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I'm in control of my bladder now, POISE make great incontinence pants for those rare occasions :o

No it was what one of the girl's I know did at her house warming, literally covered the entire house in plastic covering, even the walls and the roof, then after the party just chucked all the covering and everything was clean!!

Saying that though this lot were hard core drinkers at that point!!!

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*** knows mate :lol: probably 2007, wanted a castle but theyre nearly all in bonnie scotland so probably go for a nice country house in the midlands, thought about the hinckley island hotel but want something with a bit more character really.

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Blimey can't imagine marriage, need to know a bird longer than 30 minutes to get married :lol:

Good luck pal anyway, no idea where you'd get a castle for a wedding nowadays, don't invite me as I'd be ****** about with the armour after I'd had a drink!!!

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warwick castle is more of a tourist attraction really.

dont worry aido, at my wedding you'll be the least of my worries, ur like a saint compared to some of the peeps who will be there!

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Blimey can't imagine marriage, need to know a bird longer than 30 minutes to get married :lol:

Good luck pal anyway, no idea where you'd get a castle for a wedding nowadays, don't invite me as I'd be ****** about with the armour after I'd had a drink!!!

you can get them blow-up castles you know have it where you want :lol::lol::lol:

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