The Road To Enlightenment

Matthew_McNally · July 15, 2003

1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me for the path is narrow. In fact just ****** off and leave me alone.

2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a flat tyre.

3. The darkest hour is just before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbour's milk, that's the time to do it.

4. s*x is like air. It's not important unless you aren't getting any.

5. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

6. No one is listening until you fart.

7. Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else.

8. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

9. If you think nobody cares whether you're alive or dead, try missing a couple of mortgage payments.

10. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

11. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

12. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

13. If you lend someone £20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.

14. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

15. Some days you are the bug; some days you are the windscreen.

16. Don't worry; it only seems kinky the first time.

17. Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.

18. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.

19. A closed mouth gathers no foot.

20. Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

21. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.

22. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving

23. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

Steve · July 15, 2003

:D

Rodders_UK · July 15, 2003

Excellent!!

Rob · July 15, 2003

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12. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

As found to be very true after oxfam " begging advertisments"

dawesy · July 15, 2003

just like a bud advert............TRUE TRUE

MsW · July 15, 2003

15. Some days you are the bug; some days you are the windscreen.

I have days like these.....

Today, happily, I was the windscreen :D

Matthew_McNally · July 15, 2003

1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me for the path is narrow. In fact just ****** off and leave me alone.

I love this one.

it may even become my personal mantra.

it will definitely be getting used tomorrow :winky:

ifraz · July 16, 2003

Excellent

Personal favourites were:

5. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

9. If you think nobody cares whether you're alive or dead, try missing a couple of mortgage payments.

11. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

Matthew_McNally · July 16, 2003

1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me for the path is narrow. In fact just ****** off and leave me alone.

I love this one.

it may even become my personal mantra.

in fact I like it that much - I made the T-Shirt

I'm having one - I know just where I am going to wear it too <_<