Terrible Joke

[Chris.S]

A Hotdog goes into a bar and asks the bartender for a pint

The bartender replies "I'm sorry we don't serve food in here !"

[brn7y]

Rod Stuart, Britney Spears and Elton John are walking home from the Q Music awards, when all of a sudden Britney catches her shoe on a kerb stone, falls head first through a set of railings, and gets her head stuck!

Rod Stuart, not wanting to miss out on the opertunity, hitches up her skirt and starts humping away like a dog on heat!

After he's done his buisness, he steps back zips himself up and says to Elton John "Hey! Elton it's your turn know"

"What you mean Rod?"replies Elton"My head won't fit through those railings!" BOOM,BOOM!

:D:D:D

[Steve]

LOL :D:D:D:D

[andyhart21]

Whats brown and sticky? A stick

[Richie]

FUNNY GUYS!!!!

[javadude]

There once was a 94 year old nun back in the 1890's whose worn out body began to surrender. Her doctor prescribed for her a shot of whiskey three times a day, to relax her.

However, not to be lured into worldly pleasures, she huffily declined. But her mother superior knew the elderly sister loved milk. So she instructed the kitchen to spike the milk three times a day.

Eventually, the elderly pious one approached her final hour. As several sisters gathered around her at bedside, the mother superior asked if she wanted to leave them any words of wisdom.

"Oh, yes," she replied. "Never sell that cow!"

[Steve]

The council must have invented women!

Who else would out a play area near a sh*t hole?

[javadude]

The inventor Arthur Davidson, of the Harley Davidson Motorcycle Corporation, died and went to heaven. At the gates, St. Peter told Arthur, "Since you've been

such a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is, you can hang out with anyone you want in Heaven.

"Arthur thought about it for a minute and then said, "I want to hang out with ***." St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room, and introduced him to ***.

Arthur then asked ***, "Hey, aren't you the inventor of woman?" >*** said, "Ah, yes." "Well," said Arthur, "professional to professional, you have some major

design flaws in your invention.

1. There's too much inconsistency in the front-end protrusion.

2. It chatters constantly at high speeds.

3. Most of the rear ends are too soft and wobble too much.

4. The intake is placed way too close to the exhaust.

And finally,

5. The maintenance costs are outrageous.

"Hmmmm, you may have some good points there," replied

***, "hold on."

*** went to his Celestial super computer, typed in a

few words and waited for the results. The computer

printed out a slip of paper and *** read it.

Well, it may be true that my invention is flawed,"

*** said to Arthur, "but according to these numbers,

more men are riding my invention than yours."

(I actually got sent it by a woman.)

[Edited on 14-4-2002 by javadude]

[Edited on 14-4-2002 by javadude]

[Steve]

LOL that was a good one! :D

[lexussport]

What's Grey and comes in pints?;)

[lexussport]

Elephant's:smilegrin::smilegrin:

[superchargedmorph]

Pierre the famous french fighter pilot took his madmoselle out on a picnic, things were going well and she said,"pierre kiss me on the lips", pierre opened a bottle of red wine splashed it on her lips and kissed her passionately," OH pierre" she said that was fantastic but why the red wine," madmoiselle when I have red meat I have red wine, OHH pierre she said " kiss my breasts", he then opened a bottle of white wine splashed some on her breasts and kissed them softly,

"OHH pierre she said that was fantastic but why the white wine",

Pierre replied, Madmoiselle I am pierre the famous french fighter pilot when I have white meat I have white wine

"OH pierre kiss my fanny "she says.

On this pierre opens a bottle of brandy splashes it on her fanny and sets fire to it

"AHH AHH AHH OUCH AHH she replies putting out the flames,

" pierre why the fire"

Madmoiselle I am pierre the famous french fighter pilot, when I go Down I go Down in FLAMES

[Monster-Mat]

[Steve]

I will let the mods edit this One!

A man walks into a bar and says to everyone in the bar " I bet anyone in this bar that if I bent over and you shoved a car door key up my behind and i will be able to guess the brand name of that car!"

So 4 guys in a group say "ok... we will play the bet" So the guy bends over, drops his pants and the first guys rams a key up.... ohhh oooohh hmmm thats a ford focus key.. yes ford focus... Wow said the guy holding the key.... second guy gets his keys out and rams it right up... "oohh hmmm thats a Toyota Avensis.. oh yes i can tell that is an Avensis.... blo**dy hell says the second guy.. third guy gets his keys and gives it a good giggle and says guess this one matey... ooooh ouch... grrr.. hmmm this one is hard... hmmm that key is for a nissan bluebird.. yeah nissan bluebird.. sh*t says the 3rd guy... the 4th guy smiles and fumbles around in his pocket and pulls out a spark plug.. then grins and says guess this car pal and rams it straight up... the guys shouts out Ohhhhh Champion!

[andyhart21]

A sheriff walks into a saloon bar in the old wild west and shouts "Any of you critters seen brown paper Jake?"

One of the punters replies "what does he look like?"

"he's got brown paper trousers, brown paper shoes, a brown paper jacket and a brown paper hat"

"What's he wanted for?" says another punter

The sheriff replies "Rustling":smilegrin:

[javadude]

[Zee007]

A lady walks into a Lexus dealership. She browses around, then spots the perfect car and walks over to inspect it. As she bends to feel the fine leather upholstery, a loud fart

escapes her.

Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed her little accident and hopes a sales person doesn't pop up right now. As she turns back, and there

standing next to her is a salesman.

"Good day, Madame. How may we help you today?"

Very uncomfortably she asks, "Sir, what is the price of this lovely vehicle?"

He answers, "Madame, if you farted just touching it, you are going to s**t yourself when you hear the price."

:D:D:D:D:D

[andyhart21]

LOL :smilegrin:

[Jev]

I've edited it slightly - don't want to offend anyone!

A Girls Prayer:

Lord

Before I lay me down to sleep,I pray for a man, who's not a creep,

One who's handsome, smart and strong, One who's tackle's thick and long.

One who thinks before he speaks,When promises to call, he won't wait weeks.

I pray that he is gainfully employed,

And when I spend his cash, wont be annoyed.

Pulls out my chair and opens my door, Massages my back and begs to do more.

Oh! send me a man who will make love to my mind, Knows just what to say,

when I

ask "How big's my behind?"

One who'll make love till my body's a twitchin, In the hall, the loo, the

garden and kitchen!

I pray that this man will love me no end, And never attempts to sh*g my best

friend.

And as I kneel and pray by my bed, I look at the w**ker you sent me instead.

Amen

A Boy's Prayer:

Lord

I pray for a lady with a big cleavage.

Amen

[NotoriousREV]

an englishman, irishman and scotsman walk into a bar and the barman says "is this a joke?"

[Steve]

LOL... :D

[Chris.S]

A ghost goes into a pub and the landlord says

"Sorry we don't serve spirits in here":rolleyes:

[NotoriousREV]

A man walks into a bar and says "ouch". It was an iron bar.

A peice of string walks into a bar and the landlord says "are you a peice of string?" and the piece of string says"yes" so the barman says "we don't serve string in here, get out". So the piece of string goes outside and makes himself look really scruffy then walks back into the pub. The landlord says "hey, are you a peice of string?" and the peice of string says "no, I'm a frayed knot"

[Foxbat]

This speaks a lot about the quality of Japanese products and their quality standards.

They're still laughing about this at IBM. Apparently the computer giant decided to have some parts manufactured in Japan as a trial project. In the specifications, they set out that they will accept three defective parts per 10,000 .

When the delivery came in there was an accompanying letter. "We, Japanese people, had a hard time understanding North American business practices. But the three defective parts per 10,000 have been separately manufactured and have been included in the consignment. Hope this pleases you."

There was a Japanese man who went to America for sightseeing. On the last day, he hailed a cab and told the driver to drive to the airport. During the journey, a Honda drove past the taxi. Thereupon, the man leaned out of the window excitedly and yelled, "Honda, very fast! Made in Japan!"

After a while, a Toyota sped past the taxi. Again, the Japanese man leaned out of the window and yelled, "Toyota, very fast! Made in Japan!"

And then a Mitsubishi sped past the taxi. For the third time, the Japanese leaned out of the window and yelled, "Mitsubishi, very fast! Made in Japan!"

The driver was a little angry, but he kept quiet. And this went on for quite a number of cars. Finally, the taxi came to the airport. The fare was US$300.

The Japanese exclaimed, "Wah... so expensive!"

There upon, the driver yelled back, "Meter, very fast! Made in Japan!"

:D

[Steve]

A ghost goes into a pub and the landlord says

"Sorry we don't serve spirits in here":rolleyes:

its getting cheezy :tumble::tumble::tumble: