Do Not Sell My Personal Information Jump to content


  • Join The Club

    Join the Lexus Owners Club and be part of the Community. It's FREE!

     

I Need To Tell You All Something...


Niraj
 Share

Recommended Posts

I like monkeys.

The pet store was selling them for 20p a piece. I thought it was pretty

odd since they were normally a couple thousand each. I decided not to

look a gift horse in the mouth. I bought 200. I like monkeys.

I took my 200 monkeys home. I have a big car not a lexus but still big.

I let one drive. His name was Sigmund. He was retarded.

In fact, none of them were really bright.

They kept punching themselves in their genitals. I laughed.

Then they punched my genitals. I stopped laughing.

I herded them into my room. They didn't adapt very well to their new

environment. They would screech, hurl themselves off of the couch at

high speeds and slam into the wall. Although humorous at first, the

spectacle lost its novelty halfway into its third hour.

Two hours later I found out why all the monkeys were so inexpensive:

they all died. No apparent reason. They all just sorta' dropped dead.

Kinda' like when you buy a goldfish and it dies five hours later. Damn

cheap monkeys.

I didn't know what to do. There were 200 dead monkeys lying all over my

room, on the bed, in the dresser, hanging from my bookcase. It looked

like I had 200 throw rugs.

I tried to flush one down the toilet. It didn't work. It got stuck.

Then I had one dead, wet monkey and 199 dead, dry monkeys.

I tried pretending that they were just stuffed animals. That worked for

a while, that is until they began to decompose. It started to smell real

bad.

I had to pee but there was a dead monkey in the toilet and I didn't want

to call the plumber. I was embarrassed.

I tried to slow down the decomposition by freezing them. Unfortunately

there was only enough room for two monkeys at a time so I had to change

them every 30 seconds. I also had to eat all the food in the freezer so

it didn't all go bad.

I tried burning them. Little did I know my bed was flammable. I had to

extinguish the fire.

Then I had one dead, wet monkey in my toilet, two dead, frozen monkeys in

my freezer, and 197 dead, charred monkeys in a pile on my bed. The odor

wasn't improving.

I became agitated at my inability to dispose of my monkeys and to use the

bathroom. I severely beat one of my monkeys. I felt better.

I tried throwing them way but the garbage man said that the city wasn't

allowed to dispose of charred primates. I told him that I had a wet

one. He couldn't take that one either. I didn't bother asking about the

frozen ones.

I finally arrived at a solution. I gave them out as Christmas gifts. My

friends didn't know quite what to say. They pretended that they like

them but I could tell they were lying. Ingrates. So I punched them in

the genitals.

I like monkeys :D

Link to comment
Share on other sites



Latest Deals

Lexus Official Store for genuine Lexus parts & accessories

Disclaimer: As the club is an eBay Partner, The club may be compensated if you make a purchase via eBay links

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

 Share






Lexus Owners Club Powered by Invision Community


eBay Disclosure: As the club is an eBay Partner, the club may earn commision if you make a purchase via the clubs eBay links.

DISCLAIMER: Lexusownersclub.co.uk is an independent Lexus forum for owners of Lexus vehicles. The club is not part of Lexus UK nor affiliated with or endorsed by Lexus UK in any way. The material contained in the forums is submitted by the general public and is NOT endorsed by Lexus Owners Club, ACI LTD, Lexus UK or Toyota Motor Corporation. The official Lexus website can be found at http://www.lexus.co.uk
×
  • Create New...